Pinky promise? Pinky promise.
An open letter to the boy i loved. Love. still love & will always love. We can do this all you gotta do is trust?
To my love, As our first conversation popped out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Totally unexpected but we continued talking. Every day every night. The whole night. Then i found myself confessing to you. Us confessing each other. I knew there were hardships to come in this relationship but was i ever gonna give up on you? Never. I love you. after then I met you, I never knew that I'd fall in love with you this hard. But right there and then, when your eyes found mine, my heart made movements I couldn't explain and suddenly didn't know what to do. You being the outgoing self you are hit me up with rather an awkward yet rather hysterical “ so what’s up” as i laughed and giggled to that random whats up of yours i wondered. Oh my gosh. This is the guy of my dreams. The guy i who i genuinely liked for 2 years. Is he really mine? Is he even real? Should I say “Hi”? Or should I just nod and give you a smile? That was me the first day I met you. Till date we never could really go on a proper date, but the more we talked I knew you that were something truly special. You were charming, kind and charismatic, and I couldn't help but be drawn to you. But, never I'm a million years would I have guessed that now, within this short period of time, you would mean so much to me. Of Course i liked you before. But love? I never expected you to be mine. The funny thing is, I wasn't looking for you, I just found you. Out of weird circumstances and total boredom in the middle of the night, we found each other. We got to know each other as some time passed. Then, we blossomed into something beautiful, something that I never saw coming. How do i say this. I'm extremely glad that you stumbled into my weird messed up life and that you became such a big part of it. There are so many wonderful things to thank you for that I don't even know where to begin. Words will never do its justice, but i can try, right? * forreAals i'll overthrow your competitive side* First of all, thank you for making me who i am right now. Before i was emotionally weak i couldn't handle much. But being with you i got to experience. Love. trust. Patient. Hurt. acceptance. Being independent. Hard Work. And so much more. Mainly you made me a strong person. A person who is understanding. Patient. Caring and mostly trust and love you. Being with you is without doubt one of the hardest things i have ever done and still am doing in my life. But i never second guessed it. As i think about it know it really shows how much i need you in my life that i am giving my all in. i know we changed a lot due to your work and you have so much to think about rather than our relationship. And it sucks it hurts alot to hear you say things like how hard it is for you. And asking me to drop the conversation as well but I always appreciate your honesty and opinion even if it's sometimes hard to hear. I really love you and we can go through this. Secondly, thank you for knowing how to handle me or at least pretending like you know how to, and doing an excellent job of it. I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but you settle me down and make me smile in a way that no one else can. I tend to get jealous and sad over little stuff and pout at you like i'm diagnosed with severe pout disease .HAHAHAH. That i tend to do all the time. But you always reassured me. Thirdly, thank you for accepting me for who i am. Despite the busy schedule. Despite the meetings. You chose to take me out just on my stupid request only reason was you couldn't see me upset or sad. That one bridge ride. Our stupid pinky promises. Our first fight on “ can i jump “ AHAHAH. Okay our first fight was not even a fight just me being stubborn and wanting to jump off knowing you can't swim and you being the competitive stubborn self of yours who JUST WOULDN'T GIVE IN UGH. like the night you took me out in public. I Hope you won't be afraid to show me off to your friends, family, and even strangers. Cause I'm not. Fourthly, thank you for always supporting me – Honestly, nothing is more reassuring than knowing that you're right there to root for me in everything that I do. ( except jumping into the ocean cause you can't swim. I had to state it lmao ) but even my future plans and career. You always supported me. Also, thank you for all the compliments even tho i feel like absolute shit at days you always reassure me that I'm pretty just the way I am with my flaws ( you might be lying sometimes * insert intimidating tension face*). Also thank you for giving me the privilege to spam you – er i mean giving kufr aishath the privilege to spam you. Cause you and i both know how Gooood i am compared to your kufr haraam vaniaala side. Sheesh. * this is not roast. Spam more you useless* i liked how um november went. AHAHAHAH. And def I feel very honoured to receive snaps from you. Can we pls remember that smiley :’). Oh lord and the outta the blue tests you make me take… HAHAHA. God. Our relationship is pretty much kinda founded on us being weird yet haraam with zero shame and I have zero complaints cause you and i both know that i like to see you have a poker face :p. So for that. Thank you for being silly – yes, we are weirdos. No regrets. Thank you for being serious – despite our silliness, you know exactly when to put on the serious, caring, boyfriend roles. Whenever i get upset. And you getting annoyed at the dudes who catcall me. Even tho i seem moody I appreciate that you care. Ah, thank you for making me feel so happy. there are days that I just sit and wonder how I got so lucky. Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you. But thank you for telling me that we deserve each other pretty equally. Thank you for opening up to me. Letting me know about the bad and unproductive days you have and I'll do my best to listen, help, and talk you through whatever it is that you're thinking about, and I know you'd do the same in return. You've allowed me into your heart and mind (I hope so). You opened up to me about some things of the ast and told me how unsure you were of commitment due to them factors. Still i accepted and chose you. And i will forever be grateful that i did. forever. Most importantly, thank you for being exactly who you are – every part of who you are amazes me. I feel absolutely blessed to be a part of your life. I'm not the first person you loved. You're probably the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers, pinky promises and i love you’s. We both known loss like no other. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. when we'd given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. How we heal from everything we have been through. Basically i love you. No matter these days. And more busy days ought to come. No matter how vulnerable i feel right now writing all my feelings down. All i have to say is. I trust the boy. The boy who told me he misses me. He loves me. He is real and he is here to stay. The boy who gave us hope. The boy who said we will figure something out cause in the end me and you are in the together. I can't lose you and i trust you when you said you can't lose me. Our relationship is based on trust now. Either you break it or we work it. All i know is i could wait days and months for you if this is genuine. Cause for me you are worth so much more than you think. I know i'm weak now but i will make myself strong each day. You say that I'm like your hope. Then i will be your hope. The insecurities in commitments and trust. I will write novels to those scars of you. I am sure that i can heal you out of them cause im here to stay. I used to think there would never come a person in my life that would make me feel to have that “ finally the perfect one” and i guess all this time i have been I have been trying to describe the way it feels to have that finally. Hello my love, i have so much things to learn and so many things i'm unsure of but one thing i'm sure of it is. This is my finally and you are going to be my final vaniaalalalala to this little messed up life of mine. Also can we talk about how sexy you look with the * i'm trying to have a poker face* ?