Alive but not living.

The worst state a person can be in. 💀

You can be alive and living – that is I think the best. You are enjoying your life. You have plans, hopes, loved ones, hobbies.

You can be dead and not living anymore – this is the state what majority of the people are in. I think in the scale of billions. They lived their lives, they have been buried and mostly forgotten.

You can be dead but still living – there are only a few thousand such people I think. Think of great leaders, musicians, inventors and so on. People remembered by someone every single day, their names being called daily. They are still living even though they are not with us physically. Their legacy keep them alive in a sense.

And there is the absolute worst state to be in – alive but not living. You are technically alive – you breathe, you eat, you sleep and so on. But you have no ambition. Nothing you hope. No plans.

It hits the worst when the weather is nice, people around you is enjoying life. It hits even worse if you actually had a life before. It is akin to losing an organ later instead of being born without it. It mentally hurts so much knowing what you once could do but cannot anymore.

This is why I like rainy days much more I think. I at least feel like I am not missing on anything. It feels like everyone is just home getting bored.

There is nothing wrong with dying – the problem is no one else is dying. This is a quote I heard somewhere but cannot remember when, where or to whom it belongs to. But it did resonate with me. I do agree with this statement. If we knew we were going to die tomorrow – but everyone else was coming with us – if we knew we ALL were going to die tomorrow, I think we would have been ok. It hurts if you know in case you are the only one departing this world – interesting.

It is the same if you are mentally dead as well. I know because I am in that state myself.

I need someone to support me, to pick me up. There are more such people around you when you are in your teenage years. There is hardly anyone when you are in your late 30s.