Nothing to see here.. Reminder: This is only for myself.. I am seeing this as some sort of a therapy.. It has not been helping much, yet.. But I will keep trying.

Another red day for me.. I need to enrich my vocabulary to express how I feel. Insecure.. Anxious.. Dull.. Misplaced.. Foggy.. Misunderstood.. 🌁

Even though I am supposedly writing here anonymously, and not stealing anyones time – I still feel bad like I am stealing peoples time and energy.. Still I am trimming the things I want to say. I feel bad I am repeating myself.

Maybe I should just start therapy. Even the idea makes me feel exhausted. I wish I could go back in time. I wonder if I can mess up my life in a different way.

I am ashamed of all the times I have been a chicken. I lived my life as a chicken. I think I will talk about this more later.

Every father wants their kids to do things he always wanted to do but never could. I want my kids to live. To truly live. Experience this world, life. Not be a chicken like their father. Please kids, figure out who you are, find what makes you happy, do not be a chicken – ask for it. Demand it. Do not be scared of being refused. Do not be scared of being laughed at.

I still have plenty of years to live – in theory of course. Who knows, maybe it is my last day today. But considering I am not special in any way and I will live to the average age.. How do I live through all this time, it will not be easy.

I feel like my heart sometimes is skipping a beat or two. I just want years to pass. I want to wake up to 2032. My standards right now are so low – all I want to be is healthy so I am not a burden on anyone – I do not get fired, well so I am not a burden to anyone and actually provide for my family.. I do not even want anything else at this point.

Future is so bright..