Passing
I've been having some thoughts about the concept of passing.
I'll try to avoid jumping straight into my default deconstructionist standpoint on this. It's difficult, because it seems like such a binaristic notion. Passing and not-passing.
I feel like a lot of the transgender people I talk to about passing have some kind of internalised idea of incompleteness. This is understandable to me, as a disconnect between internal and external identity is what drives a lot of us to come out. I just wonder if in focusing on passing we declare the sum of our identities as some kind of failure.
Do I pass to my transgender friend when she says I'm becoming “more passable?” Will I ever pass to her under her standards? Will she? Do I pass to the man who texts me saying he wants to drill out my nonexistent pussy? Do I pass to myself when I see someone in a distant reflection, and think “Wow, she's cute,” only to realise that reflection is my own?
I feel like different 'tests' are being applied here.
I think, as a trans person, that the widespread, binary conception of gender does not pass for a valid representation of who I am. I am sometimes spoken to in ways that make me feel uncomfortable, and feel physically out of place, when I am forced into a side of this binary. I simply position myself where I am at least somewhat comfortable, as a woman. In our current cultural context I feel the expected presentation suits me best, clothing, mannerisms, that kind of thing. But I do see it as a sort of stop-gap.
When a person calls me she, ma'am, her, lady, hell, I'll even take dear or sweetie, they have passed. I am pleased.
In that moment, I don't care for the details of what they think I am. They have treated me in accordance with who I know I am. A femme. That is a form of gender euphoria for me.
However, another thing that is passable to me is being treated neutrally. Not attracting long stares, or being treated as any particular gender. Feeling a break from being assigned to a gender role. I think trans and non-binary people are often doing important revolutionary work through the normalisation of (not always) non-traditional presentations of gender.
In this way, I don't want to pass. I want to be visibly transgender, I want people to know that moving outside the stereotypes for their assigned gender is something they can and should do.
If a theory doesn't fit all possible cases, the theory is wrong. It does not pass.
So, let's lift the burden from our shoulders and instead make society pass.
Realness or not, your outfit can never betray you – every flawless touch or telltale sign is a shattering blow against preconceptions of gender. – Terre Thaemlitz