I need silence to clarify my thoughts, vast empty space to shake out this overwhelmingness.
Quiet moments where nobody sees me, and nobody leaves. A metaphysical vacuity to empty my head from useless thoughts ... and to walk, just walk the path to nowhere.
Do I want to be alone, or is it solitude what I'm looking for?
“Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain—a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with an unwanted lack of connection and intimacy.” 
“A distinction has been made between solitude and loneliness. In this sense, these two words refer, respectively, to the joy and the pain of being alone.” 
“emotional response to perceived _____”.
No matter how many times we deny it, our emotional suffering always comes from a perception, and our response.
There is an old Buddhist saying: “Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional”. Solitude should be loneliness without suffering, sometimes painful, sometimes not.
Stories about the great Korean Seon masters living up in the mountains had come to mind. They were never alone; trees, rivers, rocks, and the moon were among them. The solitary, joyful life.
I crave some solitude, but I don't want to be alone. Trees, flowers, and rocks ... sitting in silence should be enough.