By Jim Cosgrove
This example uses prompt #52 “Tell Your Grandad.”
The goal is to take abstract concepts (in this case, plant-based meat, lactose intolerance, and Uber Eats) and attempt to explain the ideas to Grandad “in as many concrete ways as possible using metaphors, analogies, and similes.”
I have chosen to leave my granddad a voicemail message.
“Please leave a message at the beep.”
Beep
Hi, Grandpa. It’s Jim. I hope you’ll be able to join us for dinner on Sunday evening. There’s no need to bring anything. We’ve got it all planned. We’ll be serving Beyond burgers, which are not real meat, but plant-based burgers. If you haven’t tried one, you’ll love it. It’s sort of like using margarine rather than real butter or driving a Prius downhill with a tailwind instead of navigating a 1982 Bluebird school bus loaded with a belch of inebriated tourists while towing a rack of canoes through the mountains – it’s better for the environment and still gets you where you’re going.
And do you remember the time grandma was trying to save money and ground up a bunch of peanuts and made “peanut loaf” and tried to pass it off as meatloaf, but nobody was buying it because it tasted like salty cardboard smothered in ketchup? It’s similar to that, but don’t worry, a Beyond Burger tastes exactly like a real hamburger, but without the guilt of actually killing and disemboweling a cow. Biting into the juicy goodness of a Beyond Burger is a vacation for your conscious and a virtual spa for your colon which will thank you for not having to process all the red meat.
Seriously, you won’t notice the difference. Like when they replaced Darren on Bewitched with a new actor. Everybody knew it wasn’t the same guy, but nobody fussed about it because the show was still funny. Eating plant-based meat is kind of like that.
You might be wondering why we don’t just eat real hamburgers. Well, Starlet and I are vegetarians. And, FYI, we won't be serving cheese on the burgers, as our daughter Indigo Dawn is lactose intolerant. You do not want to be anywhere near her when she consumes dairy. She’s like Old Faithful meets the insoles of Mr. Stinky Feet’s sneakers on a humid Kansas day in August.
And don’t worry, if you’re not into trying fake meat, we can always order you something from Uber Eats, which is like meals on wheels without the mushy peas and powdered mashed potatoes, but you do have to pay for it and tip the tattooed stranger who delivers it.
See you on Sunday!