Just Emile

It feels overwhelming. But just because it feels overwhelming does not mean that it actually is. The key word here, the most important word here is “feels”. This is what the writing is for, to help me to see the true reality and simply observe the feeling.

The true reality is that the portal is up and running. Staff members are using it. Clients are using it. And the number of issues is actually quite small for a system as complex as this and as new as this. I did a really good job with it. There will always be issues, but the key really is how I respond to those issues. That's going to make all the difference in the world.

There are issues. And I need to keep on using my system to note them down and keep track of them. Then I have to keep deciding on what to do next, and then just do it. What exactly is going to happen to me if I do not fix the issues on time, or if I do not fix the issues at all? I guess I will just get fired as a consultant. And what's the big deal with that? Nothing really.

So it's time to work on these things slower and to pace myself better. And also to keep an emotional distance from it all. To keep as little in my head and as much on paper. Slower and with pace will allow me to work on other aspects of my life, which is very important to me.

Have to keep that distance from the work. Calm and logical and a dedication to actual reality will win the day.

I am having some trouble to focus this morning. So I am going to move as slowly as possible. I lost a lot of sleep last night in the testing of the bulk upload for the Holdings table. But major progress has been made. I was able to get the bulk upload application from Arjun to work, and it did the full update. Even though there are adjustments to be made, I must not let that over-shadow the significant progress that has been made. A pat on the back is deserved. I did very well.

So now for the 2 outstanding issues:

(1) The application should be run 3 times. Pass #1 will take care of the majority of the records. But some will be missed. So Pass #2 and #3 will take care of those. So this could just be a matter of setting the cron schedules. Quite doable.

(2) The application takes too long to update all of the records. I am going to attempt to cut down this time by running 2 applications, each handling 50% of the records. So the spGenAllHoldings will produce 2 csv files. One with the 1st 50% of the records one with the 2nd 50% of the records. Both output files will be named “Holdings.csv” and will be copied to the specific folders. This will happen before 1:30 am. Then the 2 applications will be run and insert their respective 50% of the records. What I have to do is to perform an small scale test to see if they can run simultaneously. I am wondering if the rate of API calls from their combined operation will cause too many errors to occur. This is what I have to test.

Alright, let's see where we are at with this thing. I can now celebrate the success of my test this morning. It worked! The update of the Accounts, Holdings By Currency and Holdings By Asset Class objects took place automatically without any intervention by me. The update started at just before 1:30 am and ended at around 6 am. Yes, this is a long time, and maybe it could be faster, but 6 am is just fine. I can always look into speeding it up in the future. But for right now, 6 am is great. No one who will know the difference will be checking the portal at 6 am, they will only check after.

OK cool. Now it is to proceed with the next step, once of the final big steps. I am going to try to get the update of the Holdings table via the View method. I believe it may be too slow, but I still have to give it a shot. I have to stop estimating and actually do the test. So I first have to get it to work on the test Knack app and then have to get it to work on the production app. I am going to try to get it working so that I can run a test for early tomorrow morning from 1:30 am, but I may not be able to. Just have to try.

I am pleasantly surprised by the progress that I made over the weekend. My tests thus far show that the update of part of the Holdings data will in fact work. The shift in time has worked. The tests that I did on the few rows worked. It looks like I am the road to actually making this happen. There are some next steps. Things are now set up to run tonight into tomorrow morning and run the actual new implementation live. I have to see how long it will take in actuality. This is the next test. I also can work on the update of the main Holdings table via the views. I have to take my time with that. I have to be methodical otherwise I can end up stumbling when I do not have to. So good so far.

This weekend I was also able to develop checklists which will free up space in my head, and rid myself of some of the anxiety linked to the thought of something failing or not working the way it is supposed to.

End of the week. This will be short. I did it. The performance data update is now full automated. I did well. And I have the global design as well for Holdings. I can pull it off.

Today has been better than yesterday. I used it very well I think. Today there was not the usual flurry of portal issues which means that things have improved. So something good is happening. I was able to make a decision on the implementation of the performance data update and I actually implemented it. All I have to do is a cut-over tonight and then monitor tomorrow. I think this is going to be good. The initial test that I did showed a fairly good update rate. But tomorrow I will monitor and see first hand how long it takes to do the updates/inserts and also ensure that it's accurate. I have the csv file to be used as a backup.

And what was very cool too was that I used the afternoon well. I decluttered the washroom cupboard quite a bit, and wiped it out. I made the time to do something tactile, and that was great. A sign of things to come. But as I go along and things become better, I must not let them know, for they will take advantage. I must seem busy all of the time. That impression must continue.

A new day. And it's been a good morning so far. I am trying to go as slowly and calmly forward as I can. I know that I have a lot to do all over, but I think that I am looking at all of it the right way. No one is breathing down my neck, there are really no urgent items. So it's to take it step by step. And try to do so in a calm a manner as possible. Let's begin.

It's the end of the day and I am a bit frazzled I admit. And that's OK. No reason to feel that I should not be. It was a frazzling day. Yes I could have done some things better but it is what it is. I am not going to be hard on myself. I am going to regroup and move forward again.

But that being said, I think I have the start of a system. Most everything that should have been noted today for future reference was noted. I have started on my system. And I since it is noted down, I don't have to keep mulling it over in my mind constantly. I can be free. It is written down, and I can always come back to it. So that's something to celebrate today.

I need to truly digest the prioritization. There are things that can wait. I also have to remember that, by and large, the portal is working just fine. It is. It's a masterpiece. What I am doing now is monitoring and making adjustments, and thank goodness that at the forefront is the Jx API, so there is much less attention on me.

So I can relax into all of this. Just relax. I will be making things better. Bit by bit. All of this is natural. This is the deal. I am doing well.

This tiredness, this mild exhaustion, is I feel being generated from the monotony. Every day is the same. Solving problem after problem with seemingly no end in sight. I am not clear as to what I am looking forward to.

Now I know that I want to do a good job with the portal and bring it to the the point where it just runs. A tremendous amount of progress has been made, and it's an amazing system. Really it is. There are a few significant pieces that must be done still and some minor ones. And those should be done, and I want to get them done.

But there has to be something else. There has to be growth in a different direction. Bringing the portal to where it has to be will be an on-going process, but it does not have to take up all of my time. It really does not. I don't look forward to the Sheppard work, I just do it because it should be done, and to be a professional is to do the work that must be done, even if it is not exciting and even if you do not want to do it. So there needs to be something more.

I need to improve the system that I use for handling Sheppard as it will be going on for some time. I need to keep and emotional distance from it and execute the tasks without fear or overwhelm. That's the ideal. Fear and overwhelm will come along but they really do not need to be there.

I need to work on something new. Course improvements, new courses, a new product or service. It has to be new. I don't have to be totally free to work on it. Even though there is work still to be done on the portal, it does not have to occupy the full work day. It is possible to set aside the time to look at these new things or new thing. It is very possible and practical.

I should not wait. No reason to wait. Let's start small today. Even if it is something as small as creating an Evernote note for it. Even if it is just that. I should keep writing as often as I need to about this, even if it is several times a day. I don't want to feel this way for much longer. I want to feel better than this.