karma police

thank you and fuck you!

thinking about this ted lasso quote, where ted says: “Thank you for flying all the way here to come see me. And fuck you for not telling me you were coming. Thank you for all the small, silly little things you did for me as a kid, you know, like hiding notes in my lunchbox or putting googly eyes on the fruit at the supermarket just to make me laugh. And fuck you for not working on yourself or seeking help after we lost Dad, and for not talking to me about it, either. Just glossing over the whole thing and acting like everything was all right.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klatVv37f7E, Mom City, S3E11)

and how this framing is so empathetic and fuzzy-warm (and everything else ted lasso is) to intersperse kindness and resentment, because that's precisely how complicated parental feelings are so often. it's one thing to sandwich the negative between the positive. it's another thing to put out all the bad stuff together. but neither capture just how incessantly nuanced decades-long relationships can be. in most case, both intense gratitude and bones-deep bitterness can AND WILL exist simultaneously, and this is perhaps some of the best writing i've seen that's able to represent that.

the thank you and fuck you! framing services the nagging part of your brain that thinks neither thanking your parent nor yelling at them is the full story – on a compulsive level. “fuck you for not telling me you were coming” cue internal voice: but hey, she did fly all the way, she probably misses you “THANK YOU FOR FLYING ALL THE WAY HERE TO COME SEE ME!”. it's so silly but it's so powerful.