i have not been doing well. brent has been gone 5 months now. yesterday he would have been 65. i am not sure if he was excited about his birthday or not. i always made him a cake and fussed about a dinner for him. i know he loved that. this year nothing. i just felt incredibly sad.
i am working because i have to. still feel crappy and in pain. not much anyone can do for that. i had to buy a knee support. it is helping. and the pain in my knee has lessened alot. so i deem it a success for now.
my son came over on thursday to replace my kitchen tap. the new tap looks great! he had a hard time getting the old tap out and had to go home a couple of times to get more tools. but he got it done. next job is the toilet. not sure how happy he will be about that. i have tried all kinds of things to clear the pipe but no go. so now i think it might have to be snaked out.
my depression is bad right now. i have not been doing well. i dont do what i need to do around the house. i dont eat. i go to work but its all i can do. i am so sad its all i can do to make it from day to day. its all the creatures that keep me here. who would look after them. they all need me. they have brought me this far. i am so alone. i go days without talking to anyone besides my clients at work. this reminds me of when my ex would leave to go on military tour and i would be alone for months on end and not talk to anyone. i would not go out . i would not go any place but the grocery store. i know its not brents fault but i feel abandoned. does this get any better? i spend so many nights alone curled around pillows wishing it was brent.....