i started to take apart a sweater jacket i have been working on for years. i am taking apart the sleeves as they dont look right to me. i will then redo them. it has taken me so long as every row is a new colour. no repeats in the colours. it will then be edged in black. i am hoping to finally finish it this year.
i really have to get it together and start doing more around the house. there is no way i would want anyone over here right now. some days its just so hard to keep up with everything and i dont know where to start so i dont. i go and hide behind my laptop and think maybe later. most times later never comes.
i am trying to get caught up somewhat this morning, floors, dishes and laundry.
its sunday morning. a friend of ours came by yesterday to check up on me and visit. he mostly came by to ask if he could rent to sunroom to live in. my jaw just about hit the floor. you could have knocked me over with a feather. so now i have to get stuff out of the sunroom so it can finally be finished. mudding and taping , priming and painting and the floor. i dont understand the sunroom when there is a room upstairs but whatever. he said he would also help with things around the house, cutting the grass etc. he kept saying that brent told him he needs to do this. he was thinking of selling his house 6 months ago, long before we knew brent was sick. so what he is planning on doing is selling his house , putting what he does not need here in storage and then moving into the sunroom when its ready.
the second most amazing thing happened yesterday...my oldest son messaged me. he read the post i did in jan about brent dying. we had a long talk on facebook last night when i got home from work. we talked mostly about his new job. he is doing much better now with having a regular job. the only thing is he is spending weeks away from home. he seems to be ok with it for now. but he is young and he grew up with his dad gone alot so i think he is used to that sort of thing.
so my saturday was more amazing then i could have imagined after the death of brent. i miss brent so much that first thing i wanted to do was tell him that my son messaged me and then i remember , he is not here.
i try and not think of how sad i am at work. for a few hours i am a normal person doing my job. then i come home to an empty house and eat nothing for dinner because i am not hungry and too tired to care if i eat or not.
i still have a ton of chores to do today. but with my son talking to me again it makes my heart lighter. i hope to see him this summer when he is home for a few days.
i will have to start on the sunroom . taking my craft stuff back upstairs. i am not sure what to do with the wicker furniture. i guess it can go upstairs as well. being as our friend plans on staying here only a year, but you just never know what will happen. in other words i have to get as much out as possible so the room can be finished. the thrift shops are opening on monday. so i can drop off some stuff starting this week. so i will be starting to bring stuff there as often as i can. blake (our friend) was asking what i was going to do with some of brents things. i said i am giving away little by little but i dont think i want to give away his sweaters i made for him. i spent alot of time on those. i can give away things like his shoes and boots and some of his shirts. blake suggested that it be donated to the needy good idea so i will start bagging up with i think they might be able to use and he can bring it in.
i spent today trying to figure out where my second son is. he is not replying to my facebook messages. i am not sure who i can call that will help me. his older brother i dont think so, my kids are not talking to one another. his father, i have not talked to my ex in years. his ex gf might be his best option. i dont even know where my son is living right now. i guess kids think its ok to leave their parents in the dark about things. i worry about them all the time and i miss them all the time.
as brents empty chair is a daily reminder of how much i miss him its also a reminder of how i have to carry on and live my life. i cant just stop living because he died. i have creatures to look after and bills to pay, and projects to finish and i still have things to get rid of so my kids dont have to do it. i am going to post this and start a new page later....i have so much to get done this week.