we had our first visit today with the helper nurse. from what brent said to the nurse i think he has just given up. i dont think he wants to go for any treatment. the nurse was talking hospice. brent keeps saying how he does not want to be a burden to me. i keep saying to him that he is not a burden. sigh...the house is so quiet even with the birds and cats and rabbit. its so quiet sitting in my chair and brents chair is always empty now. he is not here to look over and say i love you during the day. i never thought i would be alone again so soon in my life. i thought he would be there to help me through this fibro. i have to find new ways of doing things. and i have to work up the nerve to ask for help. that is the hardest thing for me. brent also told the nurse that he has fallen. i am so upset to hear that thinking i should be here for him. thing is i was here....i was sleeping and didnt hear him. now i feel like shit big time. i am so tired that i dont hear him.
time for chores before i go back to work and i have to check on brent before i leave.
its tuesday. i have no idea what happened to monday. its a blurr. i was up at 3am yesterday making brent food as he was hungry. i finally crashed last night and slept for a few hours before i was awake again with him asking for pain meds. the problem is he has his nights and days turned around. he is up most of the night and sleeps off and on during the day.
i have OT coming today to see what equipment might help him. i still have banking to do and need a bag of feed. it will be a very fast errand run after work. i am not sure if i will get hauled into the office as i blasted somone at work over the phone for not listening to what us PSW's need. and its not split shifts. after not having enough sleep for 3 days i lost it. i had asked my supervisor for a change to this and she asked me what to do. and its like you want me to do YOUR job i better get YOUR pay then. then trying to explain what a client was complaining about was almost impossible when they dont LISTEN to what you are saying. they are like 12 yrs old and only hear half of what you are saying. some days i just want to say fuck it and walk away i am so pissed.
time to get ready for this job....will post now