Helpless
The darkest of everything is your own faith, and the lightest of everything is your own conscience.
Helpless, without doubt, is the worst feeling in the world. Not only it made you feel useless and worthless, the worst part is; it does turn you into one.
Those feelings become invisible barriers that turn into a glass box to you. It’s like you only watch changes out of that glass box happened to everyone around you, while you inside it, is still the same helpless-useless-worthless person as you have always known.
Maybe you’ve tried hard to break it through. Maybe you’ve made changes, tried new things to break the routines, tried to talk to people and find someone who could understand you, or even tried to hate yourself to find some strength from the negativity. And all of them didn’t work out.
Again. You are helpless, useless, and worthless.
Then you couldn’t stop questioning yourself, “what should I do?” Again and again. You doubt yourself. And suddenly, everyone around you seem to know better about everything, more than you. Suddenly you trust them more than you trust yourselves.
You start to follow whatever they think better to do. You hope that you could be as good as them. You hope you can be stronger, useful, and worthy by their ways. Using their standards. But it won’t take you too long to realize, that you didn’t go anywhere. Still inside that very same glass box, only this time, you thought you’ve been somewhere.
Again. You question yourself, “what should I do?” And sometimes you ask yourself the worst question ever, “why am I still alive?”
But really, what is actually that you should do? My answer would be: You should stop.
Stop trying to find out what you should do. Stop questioning yourself. Stop following others. Stop listening to them. Stop looking for someone who understand you. And stop yourself from everything that is going on around you. Stop looking at outside of the box. Even stop feeling your existence.
Be completely in the dark. Be still. And feel your presence. You might think and feel like you’re lost. But you never lost. You were always there, you just didn’t realize. Or even better, and if possible, be really lost. Go away from the current life that you are facing. Go with only your soul and no burden to be hold.
When you let things happened the way they are and stop questioning or judging them, you will start to be able to see that your part in this life is actually so small. And that your decision actually affects only a small part of everything.
Doesn’t mean that your existence is unimportant and unworthy, but it will simply shows you that all your worries are not big deals.
You will start to listen to yourself. You will slowly remember again about things and values that really are matter to you. You will try to trust yourself more and will gradually feel your strength. Then you start to find yourself back.
The basic, it is always the key. You will be able to feel when you are going down and telling yourself, “No, not now. Don’t lose yet.” And you actually do. Not giving up, not losing, and reaching your soul back, stronger than ever.
You will start to feel fueled. You give no mercy to procrastination. Nothing and no one could stop you or stand between you and your goals. And you really do! Reaching your goals and feel proud of yourself!
The best part of all these emotional roller coaster is; you know nothing is everlasting in this life and you will always be able to get back up no matter what will come in the future. You are strong enough to face life.
Life is good