Dear love,
It's been nice talking to you again. Almost 3 years now since we broke up. I don't even know how but somehow I found the courage to message you again. You said you still missed me. We talked about our missed chance and lost years. I agreed with everything you said. I am not sure why I did that. I do love you. No reason in hiding just how much I have missed you over the years and how many times I wanted to hear you say those exact words. I guess the suspense is over, I know exactly how you feel but instead of making me happy it brings more sadness in my heart. You know why? You felt like this and can even tell me you will wait for me and how I wouldn't have to worry about you going off on your separate way again but you didn't bother to message me or talk to me first to tell me those things yourself. I feel betrayed even before we move any further. I want to tell you to stop. I want to disconnect again. I spend three years away from you. I thought of you probably every day but I survived. I know what I am worth. I know what kind of attention I received in my time away from you. I was loved and I did feel love again. I never allowed it to form its roots deep within me. Sometimes I wonder whether that was because I actually missed you and wanted you back or because I didn't want anyone else to have the power to hurt me the way you did again. I made myself whole again but here you are...ripping through my heart once more and I can't even be sure what your true intentions are. I want to tell you how my heart starts racing when I look across the library where I study and see this one boy. I want to tell you that when I close my eyes I see myself with him and picture a new journey, maybe a bit bitter but mostly sweet with him. I talk to you and see where you have been and what kind of girls you have dated and it doesn't make me happy that you want me back but sad that you didn't realise this when you actually had me. You used to own my heart. I loved you so much, I let it consume me. I don't think I can go through that again yet I am afraid to say these words to you.
Not sure how to feel anymore...