madsviande

I'm here for conversation and getting to know people. I'm happy to make friends, and I'm happy to not meet many people.

I like my men short, fat, faggy, and/or hairy. I don't mind if you're bald. I'm wary about dating men older than their early thirties or younger than twenty-one.

Do not tell me what to do. Do not try to hurry through the process of getting to know each other. Do not ask me for commitments and availability I'm not ready for yet. I'm very independent, and I'm not chained to Grindr; I will sometimes log off (or accidentally leave the app open) for hours without warning.

Being sexual with me will not make me sexual with you; it will make me rehect you. You cannot get with me that way. I enjoy slow, easy conversation, the feeling of familiarity, flirting (lightly) and being charmed and wooed; I am certainly going to charm and woo you, if you accept the opportunity. And if we have sex, it'll be because we've gone on a few dates and had a good time first... after talking on here, after meeting up in a public place where I can transport myself to and from it, after I am comfortable. You can't rush this.

It's fine when men send me a dick pic right away— this is Grindr, this is a cruising space, I know what I'm using this app for is more marginal— but I'm not looking for dick pics, I won't send you nudes, and I'm not looking for sex. All I ask, when I tell you this, is for you to back off and get less sexual... or end the conversation, that's fine too! You don't have to be interested in what I'm going for.

I will talk to you about what being trans means, how long I've been out, even how long I've been on hormones. Other trans people may not be comfortable with any or all of that. I will talk to you about what hormones do, and if you express an interest I'll tell you where to order them without a prescription. Do not ask me about my body parts. Do not ask me about my underclothes.

Talk to me about your hobbies and mine, your dreams and mine, your frustrations and joys and mine. I want to talk to you about things other than sex and my body, like two human people who respect each other and enjoy each other's company.

Which is frustrating, because most of you contact me explicitly wanting things I'm not into, sexually. I can't really warn you off without divulging sexual information, and when I do that, men get the message that they should talk to me about sex and my body and nothing else.

NSFW below cut.

No daddy talk. I don't have the fun, sexy kind of daddy issues. I have the unfun, scary kind where if you so much as lightly touch the front of my throat with the long part of your fingers or thumb, much less apply pressure, I'm gonna have a nice daddy-issues freakout.

I am not a cross-dresser, and I don't want to talk about your feminization or sissy fetish; many trans women get into transness through such activities, but I did not and I find it uncomfortable.

I don't sub. I am, in fact, a domme. You don't have to sub for me— but you cannot dom me.

I don't bottom, ever. When I get genital reconstruction surgery (God willing), I'll probably try vaginal penetration... but it's not a priority for me. You cannot top me.

(I've tried it. It didn't feel good— physically it felt uncomfortable and sometimes painful. At best, I had no sensation whatsoever. And emotionally? Well, let's say being told to 'hold still' did not endear me to the experience.)

I don't top with my clit, either. You cannot bottom for me, not like that. If you're sad about it, buy me a strap-on.

(It was always physically difficult, uncomfortable, and unpleasurable for me to top with my genitals, even before hormones. Now? It's even worse.)

I top with my mouth and hands. That is, I enjoy eating ass and fingering it too. I'm happy to use any toys you like. I also consider my approach to blowjobs toppy. If that doesn't make sense to you, well, you haven't experienced it. Also: do not try to fuck my mouth. My gag reflex is strong and it breaks my enjoyment either to worry about throwing up on your dick, or to feel like I'm not in control. The Artist Is Present— sit back and enjoy.

(This is more like how lesbians use the word 'top'— doing the pleasuring, rather than being pleasured; driving the physical motions. Giving, not receiving, with connotations of some control. In fact, the way I fuck is most similar to what lesbians call a 'stone butch'... except I do it with men, too.)

Other than digital/analingual penetration, I prefer outercourse, oral, and what other people call foreplay. To me, it's the main event, not an appetizer. And yes, I kiss— I'm not going to enjoy sex if you don't kiss well.

If your idea of sexy talk is listing sexy things you want me to do for you, that's a huge turn-off. It's frustrating, because sometimes you're describing things I otherwise enjoy, but in terms where you are fully and primarily in control of what's happening. We can have a good time, and I want to respect your limits— but you should be prepared for me to take you on a ride, and purr like a cat who got the cream about how much I've got you lost in the moment.

Don't call me masculine words— no 'man,' no 'dude,' no 'bro', but also no masculine terms for my body parts. That's a clit, and below it are my labia, inside of which are my ovaries.

Don't touch my clit until I tell you you can. I need to be comfortable with you or it is an unpleasant experience.