Managing expectations (or not)
Zymotux wrote a nice blog a few weeks ago discovering the need to manage expectations with a new baby in the house. It was very insightful, mature, and reasonable. My issue is that while he has become zen-like in his prioritising and ability to let things slide, I have decided this means it is now on me to do things that he isn’t. I can’t in my head reconcile that ‘managing expectations’ means it's alright to not always do laundry that needs to be done, and not always get the dish washer emptied, and not always make sure we order new nappies weeks in advance….
As a result, when The Bearded One takes The Little One for an hour to give me ‘down time’ I end up filling it with a hundred little tasks rather than just taking time to write a blog, read a book or have a nap! Sleep is much needed but I often feel like wasting my downtime while not being conscious means that basic everyday tasks don't get sorted. It is really quite irrational and I may be going slightly mad.
But I am also building confidence with baby, and starting to find ways of carrying on some sort of independence while still having a clingy newborn! She has a bouncy chair which she loves! I can put her in it for 10-30 minutes and shuffle around her getting things sorted sometimes. Yesterday I discovered I could put her in front of the washing machine so she can watch the clothes flop around inside – that was awesome!!! At the moment I am typing this with her asleep in my lap which is a revelation! Some day she may even learn to embrace her crib and nap there instead (although I love the cwtches so it may break my heart a little bit, even if its good for my sanity!).
I would like to get out for walks everyday, but The Little One has serious FOMO and wants to see the world around her, so tends to cry up a storm if left in the push chair! The carry cot is a non-starter at this point, unless it’s a short trip and she is properly asleep. The car seat attachment tends to get better reviews, but she still gets upset not being out and looking around on her own terms. The Bearded One carried her for the better part of an hour on a walk this weekend. We have tried her in a sling, but because she has to be chest facing (too young to hold neck for outward facing) she doesn’t like it because she can’t see! It also feels too much like a swaddle, and she is not a swaddle baby – her legs must be free from the tyranny of blankets!! All this is to say that while I want to get her out everyday, I live in fear of the screaming unhappy babe, so don’t do it. Then I feel like a bad mother for not exposing her to the world more often and for not taking care of myself by being out!
So, as you can see I apparently am terrible at managing expectations because my expectations are apparently too high! Being a functioning adult is not on the cards at this stage – not that I ever was one!
Entry 4 of #100DaysToOffload
2 September 2020