What’s a non-baby thing?
The Bearded One has just told me he is happy to hold our daughter while I do something on my own. So I told him I was going to look at the next sized clothing that she needs, and bring up some suggestions for him to comment on. He told me that I shouldn’t do that, and I should instead do a non-baby thing. Like write a blog. Sadly, this non-baby blog, is in fact, a baby thing.
I never wanted to lose myself totally to being Mom. I didn’t want it to be my sole identity and I certainly didn’t want it to be all that I talked about. I have learned, however, that for the first few months at least it is pretty impossible not to have that happen. She is little, and helpless and just needs the constant attention. It is an endless cycle of feed, change, sleep, play repeat. And each cycle takes 2-3 hours and before you know it your day is gone. And in the midst of that you also need to feed yourself, clean the clothes that are covered in milk and poop, try to tidy the toys and books, maybe take a shower, and make sure you have the things that baby needs in 2 weeks when suddenly every sleep suit you own will be too small.
Throw into the mix things like trying to get out for walks, or betraying your child by taking them to get vaccinations, and you have to resign yourself to the fact that despite you and your partner’s best efforts being a parent is your sole identity. There is nothing else to talk about, because you haven’t done anything else. I’ve started talking in the royal ‘we’ – We got our first shots, We took a nice nap, We slept through the night (amazing this did happen once!!!), We had a big poop in our nappy etc.
I adore our little one, and am happily devoted to her. She is amazing, and clever, and I love watching her discover new things on a daily basis (she knows she has feet now!). But I am at a bit of a loss about what it is that I do when I’m not taking care of her. I think once she settles into being more independent, and I start back at work then I can really start to rediscover myself. But until then, it is probably healthier to stop fighting it and just accept that this is who I am for the moment, and it is exactly who I should be!
Entry 7 of #100DaysToOffload
12 September 2020