Mark White

It's a bit of a dirty term, to want to receive validation from others. It implies codependence, insecurity. But I'd argue that validation is an important and natural human impulse.

We all have our own experience of life, individually unique to each and every one of us. Life has taught us things — some things are bad and some are good. But when these experiences add up to form consistent thoughts, they're still watery ideas that exist only in our heads. We need a thickening agent to make us take ourselves seriously and believe that what we feel in our gut and believe to be true is not just some fantasy.

Validation gets its bad name from wanting it from certain people in particular: certain friends or family; a boss or significant other. We need them specifically to validate our individual experiences, and we go crazy hoping for the sky to turn yellow instead of its natural blue. Our hopes run amok as we place all our expectations into very narrow rules that must be fulfilled to feel good.

instead, we should be seeking validation from the world. When you do, you get that validation. Because it starts with you.

We rely on these feedback loops from the world to make us see ourselves for who we really are. Why would we tie that up in a small segment of the populace? So if life has led you to believe, for example, that walking barefoot is the absolute best way to live — that it makes you feel so good that it should never be infringed upon — you should start walking barefoot. And you'll receive feedback from the world. Some people will kick you out of their stores or give you weird looks. But others will dig it so much that they'll even tell you so. They'll smile at you and want to talk to you because you've provided such a vision for the rest of the world that they can't help but notice.

And thus the loop cycles around. And thus your personal experiences are validated.

You can't expect every single person to understand you — even certain individuals that you already know. Understanding comes from those with the capability and will — and unless you're lucky, you don't already know people who will do so. So you must present yourself so that you can be found, bare feet and unconventional-ness and all. Once you do, all that time you spent unsure of yourself finally becomes as silly as wishing you could breathe water. You understand that your experiences are valid, and the universe agrees, told through the tiny other humans that tell you they like your style or they appreciate you for what you do. With bits of accumulating validation, you start to understand again that you're okay to see the world in your own unique way. You're safe if you're yourself. The loop starts up and soon enough you see you were right all along. You have nothing to fear.