midgemadgethrianna

I write about my life and things I should actually speak about.

I've always liked tea. To be quite honest I don't have a special blend that I prefer, I enjoy and like all kinds of blends. There're, of course, my favorites, but I still enjoy any flavor without any problem.

When I actually discovered my favorite blend, I was 18. Recently turned, and everybody around seemed to have already chosen their favorite blend. Which made me kind of anxious not to know which was mine. Not in the way that most people think or feel anxiety, but this rush that I was trying to experience, since quite before I turned 18, and I didn't even knew why.

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I've tried. I've tried so many times to better myself, for others. For everyone who is beside me, cheering me on to continue my path. My path. Whatever the fuck it means.

What does “my path” even means? Why should I be writting down everysingle thing I need to in order to live. Everyone says I shouldn't live by any rules, but then rules are just there without any warning, you know?

It's hard following no rules but yet I am following something. I wish people around me would understand how this feels, because as it is, it's so hard to actually explain what and how this is.

Being like this since as long as I can remember, and I recently just learned new things about my past, too. So, adding those new revelations to “my path” is even more confusing to know what should or shouldn't do. I know what's best for me, but then I also know that some of those things are not the best for those around me, and even though I'm supposed to be working on myself and just myself, it still affects me not to worry for those near me.

Try to be selfish, and that's how you'll succeed. I was 6 years old when I first heard that, and I didn't even knew the meaning behind selfishness, but I did understand in a way to just focus on me and let everybody else focus on themselves. Yet, here we are. Wondering how long will I survive (word I've learned to hate in the past few years, btw) in this god foresaking planet, where it's getting worse to live here by the minute, scratch that, by the second. Wondering when.