Tea
I've always liked tea. To be quite honest I don't have a special blend that I prefer, I enjoy and like all kinds of blends. There're, of course, my favorites, but I still enjoy any flavor without any problem.
When I actually discovered my favorite blend, I was 18. Recently turned, and everybody around seemed to have already chosen their favorite blend. Which made me kind of anxious not to know which was mine. Not in the way that most people think or feel anxiety, but this rush that I was trying to experience, since quite before I turned 18, and I didn't even knew why.
The first time I tried my favorite blend, was very difficult for me. I had wished it was different as other experiences, but friends of mine tried it differently and that's why I thought mine was going to be exactly like I was told. It was hot at first, very hot. I couldn't even actually drink it properly of how hot it was, and it got me annoyed. I thought “I think I'm doing something extremely wrong”. Maybe not boil the water that much? Maybe a different kind of cup? Maybe less water and more heat? I don't even understand science that much to actually know what the fuck I was supposed to do. But I drank it, anyways. It burned my throat, felt spicy and warm at the same time. I liked it. I thought it was different as I was told before, but I actually liked it like that. Then, different blends came along, and I said “fine by me, I should try the most that I can”.
Unfortunately, I think I tried more than I could handle. So much tea, so much warmth that I felt, but it came a moment, or moments where I found myself not enjoying tea anymore and I would just drink it without any thought about it. Without any care in the world, I could drown myself in tea, when I got caught up with it, I felt it was really late. The extreme rush, that lasted for 5 minutes, maybe less, never more. Try and try and try. I was put up with this feling of rush and adrenaline but there was never any drug involved. It was just a feeling, which made me want even more, but as well, nothing too extreme. At least, that's how I saw it everytime I questioned myself of why I wanted more and more.
But, the important key to all of this, is that, I always chose to drink tea. Nobody ever forced me. I have always been strong enough to know if someone is forcing me something I ain’t wishing to try. Even if I’m completely wasted, I’m well aware of everything happening to me, and if someone is trying to outsmart me. Which in a way is pretty cool, how I don’t loose.
January 30th 2022. I was forced to drink tea, when I specifically said I didn’t want anymore of it. I liked the blend, and actually, it was quite warm, not burning hot. So, I thought to myself this is going to be a nice enjoyable cup of tea. But it wasn’t. It was far from a good cup.
It takes time to realize, I was forced to do something I liked, but at that moment I didn’t want to do. I enjoy having a cup of tea, but at that moment, that day, at that time, I wasn’t really feeling like drinking anymore tea. I tried it, didn’t liked it, and that was it. Still, the person who served me the cup, was insisting, and obliged me to drink something I wish I didn’t drink.
It was as is I was completely on my own listening to my own heart, beat as fast as it could. I was actually hearing every bum bum bum it was making it, until it came to a point where there was complete silence. Dead silence. I was shocked, I had hoped the tea would’ve a 100% completely different as it was happening at the moment. I knew about teas, I knew how I enjoyed my tea. What was going on that this was tasting so weird? So out of this place, this time, this moment.
When I asked why was I forced down the tea, when I screamed several times I didn’t want to, he said “you wanted a little bit of tea, so I gave it all to you.”
But, when did I asked for all of it? I took a sip, I didn’t liked it, I said no more, and yet I seemed to be talking to a wall. I wasn’t paid any attention. I was ignored. Me wanting not to do something, was completely and overly ignored, and it felt terrible. I wanted to throw up all of it. All of the tea I had consumed this entire time.
Memories started coming to my mind, how when I was 5, someone told my to try tea with deceit, by not telling me the truth about what it was. I was 5.
It’s always the ones who say to respect everyone. It’s always the ones that say the tea is wonderful and just to the perfect temperature, to the perfect flavor and taste amazing. But, when you sip it, and don’t want anymore, it’s always the ones who force you to finish your tea.