lost n place

This year is meant to be different for me. This is the year I focus on learning, betterment, and creativity. This is the year I stop simply liking posts but begin to interact with those that I admire. This is the year I take my personal life and treat it with a little more professionalism- away with the adolescent vagueness and onward with sincerity. What better way to get out there and show the world who I am than through a thoughtfully prepared bio.

I've been staring at an empty blank box in the bio section of a page for what feels like an eternity, trying to find the right words to describe myself, to summarize my skills and experiences in a neat, letter constrained and logical fashion. But the truth is, I don't know where to start- I've never known where to start.

I've always been a quick learner. By nature of this my roles at work have always expanded beyond what I had been hired for. I've made a career of dabbling; learning by listening and watching and ultimately doing. By not having a specialty, I've been able to move around, to experience more. But this experience is spread thin without the depth needed to confidently call something my area of expertise.

I've never had the dedication or the drive to become an expert in any of one field. My interests are far reaching, and so varied that at times I wonder if i'm not just 'interested in anything and everything.' And now, as I sit here trying to define myself, I realize just how much I regret not having had a clear direction- at least for the purposes of explaining myself.

It's hard not to feel a pang of jealousy over the list of other people's certifications and degrees when reading their blogs or social posts. They exude such confidence, such clarity of purpose, while I struggle to find the words to describe even the simplest of experience. I've never had that depth of knowledge, that ability to contribute meaningfully to a conversation in any particular field. This is no one's fault but my own, and that makes it so much worse. There would be comfort in having an excuse, someone else to blame.

In today's world, with an abundance of information at our fingertips and AI tools that promise to revolutionize the way we work, learn, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out. These advancements should be empowering, opening up new opportunities for someone like me to explore and create. But instead, I find myself overwhelmed and adrift, lacking the imagination and the experience to know how to harness these tools effectively.

I know I have potential, that I have a unique perspective to offer. But without a clear direction, without a specific area of expertise to anchor me, I feel like I'm floating aimlessly, watching others seize the opportunities that I'm too uncertain to reach for.

And so, the blank box where my bio should go remains empty. I want so badly to fill it with stories and ideas, with bits of my character, with pieces of wisdom i've acquired. But that's not what this box is for. This box is for a list of things I don't have and can't provide. This box is not meant for me.