Welcome Back
I have often found myself stuck in the past. Seemingly one nightmare after another. I wish I would have done things differently but the truth is I wasn’t ready. I did the best I could, with what I had. SURVIVE and keep going. What other options did I have. I had two little lives depending on me. Stuff down the hurt. The grief, loss and mess. Wipe away those tears. Fake it till you make it. No time to heal or deal.
Keep going. Fight on. After a while you have no idea who your fighting. Your still fighting. Constant chaos. Heart continually racing. Stuck in survival mode. Living in a perpetual state of
fight, flight or freeze. I am full of fight and have a strong will. It’s a curse and a blessing. I just forget to feel. Numb for years. Removed from Real RAW emotions. Three years ago, I couldn’t keep it up. I was vulnerable for the first time in years and I hated it. Trauma is a funny thing, it always comes back if you haven’t healed from it. The feelings hit me like a brick. Memories flooding back. Tears rolled down my face for the first time in years. I had no option but to deal finally and it shook me. I was weak, broken and flawed. I decided this was my time to get things right. The war was over and I needed to sit with things. I felt lazy. I saw myself as weak and fragile. I hated this and was much more comfortable with strong and in charge. I forced myself to sit in silence. It was the hardest challenge I have ever faced. This is when shit got real! So if you are finding yourself exhausted and finally coming out of trauma. Remember that you are not alone. You just came to and are awakening for something so much better. This is confusing but it is healthy and time for you to live your life present and with joy. Regardless of how you handle trauma, you survived and can do anything. If you fought, ran or sat silent, it really doesn’t matter. You did what you had to. What your body prepared you to do from the time you were born. You carried on because you had no other option. Now it’s time to be kind to yourself and heal. I am so proud of you and I promise this is the best part.
Welcome Back!
Thanks for reading ❤️