mr.gr3y

I've noticed that I can write more freely when I know I'm posting anonymously. I have another blog on this site that I write on, which I've now revealed to close friends and family. I struggle to write on that one, even with simple life-updates and such, because I know that they know it's me. I tend to censor myself a bit, and don't want to discuss things sometimes because I don't want them knowing what's going on in some cases, or to a certain level of detail, or to know how I feel about a certain situation or experience. Sometimes, I just don't want people to know. You know?

I guess this means I have different masks that I wear for different people. Do we all do that? I have no doubt that we do. I mean, for example, as much as I have a potty-mouth and can curse up a storm and blast out a punk-rock-style attitude with some people, I certainly wouldn't do that to my parents, and don't. It's not that I'm being fake towards either side of the spectrum, but, maybe it's just a matter of respect? I don't know. I'll roll with that one and feel good about it.

It can be hard, though. At times, I do want to just write and vent and discuss things openly. Sometimes I do want to throw a fit a little or to complain about the way things are. I think it's healthy enough to do, so long as it doesn't become the only pattern that I support or exercise. Sure, venting is great, but then action needs to take over to make corrections or changes where appropriate. Sometimes nothing can be done with various life-situations, though, and venting about it can alleviate some of that stress and pressure. Sometimes you just want to say, “this sucks”, even though you can't do anything about it. And sometimes I want others to know how I feel about things and will express them accordingly. But, that's not always the case.

Truth can be dangerous. And more often than not, it will piss you off in some manner. Sometimes people would prefer the illusion due to its comforting nature, instead of facing the blunt truth of things. Sometimes, a lie is easier to swallow. To some, a lie is worth protecting because the destructive nature of truth is obvious. We will go to great lengths to defend and protect our illusions. Many do so in some pretty severe ways.

I'm sure we all could relate and admit we've catered ourselves towards the pattern of comfort and familiarity, although we knew doing so didn't represent what was really true. Many prefer to play along with the game and embrace an illusion instead of standing alone yet remaining close to the truth. We all do it at various times in our lives. And it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad either. It just is, as it is.

I don't want to offend people, usually. Sometimes I don't care if I do or not, depending on how I choose to align myself in various situations or circumstances. Especially when it comes to embracing your own values, needs and matters of your specific life-situation, sometimes you just have to do what you need to do, even if it makes others upset. The intention doesn't have to be one of intentional harm towards another, as opposed to making the decision that's based on love (protection, enhancement, development, etc) towards yourself (or another). There are always multiple ways to look at every situation. And every situation presents various results and consequences that one can receive and experience depending on their perspective, needs, desires, and belief-system.

Being anonymous gives a new kind of relief and power that sometimes isn't found otherwise. I mean, look at how people comment and interact with each other online for example. People can turn vicious! But, they can also do tremendous acts of love, compassion, and kindness. All the time we hear of anonymous donations made by people to support causes or individuals. Or random bystanders that jump in to assist others in times of emergency and then disappear forever. For me, and for so many others, anonymity allows freedom, especially within writing and creativity. It allows a deeper level of expression where I'm free to explore and try new things without carrying a certain level of guilt with me for experiencing different views on a situation, person or life overall – even if those are short-lived and don't represent how I truly feel overall except within that moment itself.

I'm not sure how my life would change if I were to fully open up and speak freely at all times, regardless of how others would feel about that. I'm guessing that I might create a few more issues for myself by doing so, and probably cause some hurt feelings in others. But, even with the 'mask-shuffle' of life, I don't feel that I'm lacking, or depriving myself of my life-experience because I'm cursing in front of some people and avoiding it in front of others. I'm fine with the awareness of those differences. I don't think others would mind either as I know they do it in their own ways as well. The work persona, vs. the home persona, the 'alone with the spouse' persona, the 'playing with the kids' or 'hanging with the boys', etc.

The masks we wear...

... interesting to think over.

More later...

/mg