Attitude Is Everything

The other day at work I had a very short interaction with a superior, but despite its length it left me feeling annoyed for most of the day. They had called me in the morning to ask some questions related to an upcoming project and I was more than happy to answer. Immediately after picking up the phone and hearing the tone of their voice, however, I could tell I was in for an unpleasant experience. They were impatient, terse, snappy in their responses, and did not allow me to explain myself or my reasoning on certain topics. It got to the point where even though some the information they were verifying with me was incorrect, I wanted to get off the phone so badly that I didn't even bother to say so. I feared doing so would also just open up another can of worms and further set them off. So I kept to myself and didn't say more than necessary until it was over.

After the phone call I sat there and analyzed how I was feeling from this exchange. This isn't the first time I've had a toxic and unproductive conversation with this person, in fact it used to be a pretty common occurrence early on when I started this job. They have gotten better over the years and less prone to overreacting and getting too emotional, but every now and then they slip and I have to deal with it. I don't know why it gets under my skin so much. Maybe it's the lack of respect on display or the fact that my thoughts and feeling are not being validated. When this person is on the warpath, nothing I say or do is good enough to defuse them. The only strategy that has ever worked is simply to take it, keep quiet, and wait for them to go away. If we're discussing evolutionary strategies to being confronted by a threat, my response would definitely be a “freeze.”

Ultimately, what every single one of these interactions has taught me is to always try and remain calm and have a positive attitude when having to engage with another person while under stress. It's hard, I get it. But when you bring that negative energy and anxiety to a conversation, especially with someone that is obligated to listen, you are abusing your authority. Some will take it, sure, but others will snap and fight back if pushed past their breaking point. So always be mindful and tread lightly when engaging with others, because after enough bad experiences eventually there will come a point where they will simply just not pick up the phone.