Reflecting on January
I struggle with writing consistently. As I begin writing this post, I'm feeling incredibly self-conscious: who cares about my life? Who cares what I did or how I felt in January? Who cares what I'm hoping to accomplish in February?
I feel the same way about writing for my travel blog: like everything I write has to have a clear purpose and be useful or helpful in some way. If I'm not providing clear value in the form of tips or suggestions or advice, then who cares? Who cares about my travels?
The flip side of the “who cares” feeling is really this: what makes me so important that others would want to read about me? It feels kind of arrogant and conceited to write about myself, as if I'm important enough to warrant the interest of others.
Over the last week or two, I've really realized and have been thinking about how I also struggle with making subjective decisions that have no clear upside or downside. Decisions like: what do I write about? What do I say? Should I work on my travel blog, or my personal blog, or a fiction project? Which of my many fiction ideas should I flesh out? What do I do with my leisure time? Oftentimes I wind up just sitting on my phone, or even just doing literally nothing, avoiding making a decision about how to spend my time.
I'd love to hear from anyone that experiences this too and what they do to manage it. It's a challenge, but I'm working on it intentionally.
Despite all of that, here's what I've done today: I've forced myself to make a decision on what to write – clearly, I'm here writing this. I've also decided to push through that discomfort of “who cares?” and write a monthly reflection post. My hope is that, by sharing how I journal at a monthly level, I'll inspire others to live more intentionally and in alignment with their values.
So, what happened in January?
Prior to January, I had been feeling incredibly low on energy and motivation. I felt burned out. It was a challenge to get a couple of focused, productive hours at work, let alone time on personal projects. I felt like I was just floating through the days, having a hard time caring about anything.
Over the holidays, I took 10 days off from work, disconnected from my digital devices, and spent some time alone. It was lovely. So lovely that I decided to make that a part of my weekly routine: disconnecting from digital devices, and finding solitude in nature.
The focus of January, then, was largely rebuilding a foundation of self-care. This looked like:
- Meditating for 15 minutes and setting intentions in my journal every morning
- Using a Mood Meter to measure my mood in my journal every morning
- Spending 15-30 minutes on a randomly selected physical activity every day
- Every Sunday, disconnecting and giving myself space to recharge
- Working on a consistent bed time and sleep schedule
What went well?
By the end of January, the change was remarkable: while I wasn't feeling more physically energetic, there was a substantial improvement in my general sense of well-being and mood.
On top of the self-care habits above, we also moved to San Bernardino, California after spending three months in Las Vegas. As the move day approached, I found myself feeling invigorated. Despite move day being exhausting, I feel much better after moving. My focus at work has substantially improved. I feel like I have more mental energy. I feel more motivated to spend time on creative pursuits.
What didn't go so well?
I kept my intentions for the month pretty simple and focused, so there's not a lot that didn't go well.
I wasn't physically active every single day. I'm okay with that. I was mindful of my energy levels and, thus, my expectations of myself. I also tried to be honest with myself: am I being lazy, or do I really not have the energy today? I feel like I was pretty fair.
Some days, I would go for a long walk with the dogs. Some days, I would do some high intensity cardio in the house. Other days, I did nothing. And that's okay.
What did I learn?
In January, I started reading about hyper-fixation and realized it describes me incredibly well. I go through phases where I fixate on learning something new. It consumes my thoughts: I have trouble sleeping, all of my self-care habits disappear, I stop taking care of myself, I forget to shower. It's incredibly difficult to control.
Knowing that, I put together what I call my Fixation Coping Plan. Basically, it's a plan to help me cope with my fixation episodes, both during the episode and for recovering afterward.
I also learned, as I started working on writing more consistently, that I struggle with making subjective decisions.
How can I improve next month?
Taking what I've learned, in February I want to work on being more decisive. Writing this post is a great example of that, and I need to continue being intentional about that every day.
What are my intentions for February?
After spending all of January building a foundation of self-care, I feel like I'm ready to build on that and take better care of my surroundings and relationships.
That means:
- Managing my finances and budgeting more actively
- Being more intentional with my relationships – with my wife, with my family, with my friends
- Keeping the RV in good shape and staying on top of chores and maintenance
In addition, I feel a need for a creative outlet, like I have this pent up energy that needs to be put into something. It's not a physical energy, it's more emotional or mental. I need to focus my efforts on something: writing, music, game dev, one of my many various interests.
I've decided I'm going to focus on writing. For this blog, for my travel blog, and on a fiction project. Whatever feels right on any given day.
Well, that wound up being a bit longer than I thought it would, but there it is: my monthly reflection and intention setting.
Do you journal regularly? Do you experience the challenges with subjective decisions that I do? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Hit me up on Mastodon @nomadave@mindly.social!