you cannot carry the world's sorrows on your shoulders.
sometimes i feel we are being asked too much. too much outrage. too much feeling. too much empathy. too much too much too much.
it is said we can only remember a certain amount of people. that our brains are only equipped for a certain amount of friends and acquaintances, family members, colleagues. other human animals with whom we spend our time. there's a set number, and beyond that number, our brains break down into overwhelm.
the internet is simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to humanity.
now, it's not what happened on your street, in your town, in the greater metropolis in which you are a part, or even your country.
it's what happened everywhere, all the time, to everyone.
we are being asked to feel all of it. to carry all those sorrows.
not only to carry all these sorrows, but to speak about it. loudly. to show the world we are carrying those sorrows, because if a donation is made in silence, did it really happen?
this is a task no human being can take on. this is a task that will be the end of us all.
but we are being asked it, every day, and when we say “no, i can't, i have too much of my own thing” — when we choose our own personal battles — then they come for us.
they come for us with knives and pitchforks and words sharpened to a fine point, and they lash at us with tongues and other, stronger tools. public shaming. dogpiles, and not the soft, fluffy, filled-with-puppies type.
carry the world's sorrows on your shoulders, and do it publicly.
or else they know you are the enemy.
****
of course you care, of course you care about other humans. this is why you cannot speak publicly about every injustice. this is why you must put on blinders to some things, focus on others.
or that caring will undo you.
****
yet even if you do speak up, against all sense in your head and heart, against the warning voice that says this will destroy you, it will not be enough. it is never enough.
you didn't say it right.
you didn't say enough.
your words were not polished enough, which belies a deeper agenda, that shows you cannot be trusted.
or, the ever-present: you are speaking over the people who should be heard.
****
because if your silence doesn't speak volumes, then you need to shut up and listen.
there is no way to tell which one it is until you do the wrong thing.
****
sometimes the safest thing for your own wellbeing is to not engage, you think, but then you go about your business and suddenly people are calling for your firing or worse, simply because you didn't say anything.
so you speak out, because you feel this injustice needs words said about it — but then you said it the wrong way, or you said the wrong thing without realizing it, because you don't know what you don't know, and then people are calling for your head, because this is even worse than your silence.
do the right thing, or you are the enemy.
****
the problem with an us vs them mentality is there always needs to be a them. and if the truth is there isn't a them, if the truth is that we're all just humans and we're fucking messy....
then a them must be invented.
more gets added to the list of infractions. it changes every day, until eventually not even the Chosen members of Us can remember them all.
and once all the them have been shamed and ostracized, who does it leave?
Us.