diary

Fireworks

The fireworks are going off outside more this evening than the past two nights put together. More than the Fourth, actually.

Also, too, by the way; it has been 24 hours since I downloaded all my Twitter data and deleted my account. It is calming, for sure. I went to Google News earlier on the Google app and saw all this awful, bad, Bad, BAD news and just closed the app. This is all the media has focused on my entire adult life. Bad fucking news because it causes a reaction because the audience is fucking numb otherwise and would flip the channel, or better yet, turn off the TV entirely and go do something more creatively stimulating. A lot of people don't even have TV's anymore, but the same rule applies to social media outrage. People get triggered and then have to talk about it, wait for Likes or shares or whateverthefuck, and ten go and get re-triggered over some other arbitrary topic.

People (most of them) are dumb.

I am getting wired off coffee and enjoying the crickets (and fireworks) and thinking of different, semi-meaningful things to write about. I was also listening to “The Ground Up Show” podcast earlier and it is pretty good, though, it is only as good as a podcast is concerned. There are so many of them (and who nows if any of them have any actual listeners) and there is not any genuine substance behind most of them. Just regurgitating the same internet-culture-y bullshit that everyone else with a laptop says.

Which takes me to my next point which is, going off of media. It would be a tremendously hard thing to do, I think. As in nothing but music and books. Music and books are two of the best things on this Earth and to go without them would be just plain suffering in my opinion. I mean going off newspapers, the Internet, social media, television, radio, all of it. I would like to get to thhis point, living without media sources and simply living “in the moment” (even though the latter is part of my life right now). I would definitely be happier.

Anyway, for my next trick (lol): Iam going to get a feature phone with 3G capabilities, i think. 4G LTE is really good (and the cost of unlim 4G is not an issue at all), but, I would be served better with a “feature-phone” (like the Nokia 3310) because I could A) keep my phone number B) have 3G connectivity for tethering to the Tab A and C) not have to worry about any type of “smartphone addiction” because I wouldn't be in possession of a smartphone. This tablet does everything and I never use the Internet when I am not in my apartment. Nothing online interests me at all when I am in the real world. I think this is partially the reason Graham Hill (the founder of Life edited) has had so much success not using the Internet v much; he simmply has a fun, active lifestyle IRL. So, anyway, I think I would be served well to just ditch the (untouched/unnecessary) Kyocera phone. This tablet does the basics that I need it to do (and a little more that the Raspberry Pi could never do).

ScholarSlip

I've seen this mini-documentary a few times. It is three students talking about their hardships with student loans and has a lot of highlights from another documentary about other people who have defaulted on their payments. Very real documentary and the fact that students go this far into a debt hole is outrageous. I have a family member (well, several, actually) who are in a similar boat. “Tis a shame, for sure.

I may attend STLCC, but not a dime will be taken out via government loans nor private loans. I am lucky enough to be eligible for the Pell Grant (which isn't really something you want to be eligible for. You have to be a total broke-ass), so, most things would be paid for. I don't know/don't give a fuck if any of the Pell monies would be applicable towards a Uni degree, because going to a 4-year Uni sounds like a red hot nightmare to me. Inevitably, I would get buried in debt if I were to even attempt to do so. Plus, just reference my prior blog post, there is no reason to go beyond a community college. I have tried to get a job at a lot of different publications as a freelance journalist, blogger, editor, what have you, and they are looking for an Associates degree, or above. Not a Bachelor degree or above, they would prefer someone that just has an AA (or AAS, I am assuming) that knows how to hustle and knows how to do their job well. In my case, the case of writing, I can do that just fine.

Do I want a job in writing?

Well, yes and no. I want to be able to make more money, I suppose. I write all fucking day long every day, anyway. But I don't want to “capitalize” (if that is the corrent spelling?) on my writing.

Do I want an AA or AAS?

Yes and no. The AAS degree I wanted from STLCC is no longer available, so i guess I can rule that out. An AA (even in simple Liberal Arts) is somewhat appealing to me. Do I want to do the work to get said degree? Well, no. Haha. I mean I can, and would but I have decided that the entire process would have to be 100% self-propelled because no one in my family (or any friends, for that matter) seem to give a fuck if I go to college or not. This would have to be done by me, for me!

Why would I get an AA?

Just to have it! There is nothing inherently wrong with a paid-for, community college degree that is earned for the sake of learning what has been taught in the classroom. Community colleges are smaller. Have a more (much more) mature student body. They are for everyone. People are much more focused on their studies and less on partying. There is also the argument that any college degree substantially raises your “economic probabilities” of “advancing” in society. Do I care about advancement? No! I just want the degree for the sake of the learning experience. Period.

So, will I do it?

Yes. I think so.

So, i need to send away this paperwork...

....but i have no envelope. I will go into detail about what this paperwork is in another blog post, but, for now let's just say that it is going to (possibly) get me back into college. Until i am 100% enrolled at STLCC, then I am not going to go further into detail about it.

Anyway, I have made my opinions very clear about where i stand when it comes to higher education. It is a good thing. The debt part of it is bad. No one should do it unless they CURRENTLY have the funds for it. And mostly, don't go beyond a community college. BA/BS's are for beer guzzlers. MA/MS's are for people who think the American Dream is still alive. Dr/PhD's are for scholars with nothing better to do and like having cool titles. Those are the basics tenants of what I think about higher ed. I, myself, am not even going for an AA/AAS, just a simple Master Naturalist Certificate (maybe). I am not even sure if I am going to go to STLCC. I just want to have it as an option. Nothing more.

“You paid $50K for the same education that I could have got for $5 in late fees at the local library!”

Yea, that quote again. I've said it a million times but it is so very true + encapsulates perfectly how I feel about higher ed. I have no idea who i am quoting, but, it's a good one.

I would also add, you do not have to go to college to be smart. Not the case at all. Some people who are already smart might go to college. But NOT ALL SMART PEOPLE GO TO COLLEGE! This is very important to remember in life.

I wish I could have a typewriter but...

...i live in an apartment and typewriters tend to be very loud. I had one when i lived in STL because the traffic and noise of the city was so loud that no one could really hear the typewriter. It was the most pleasurable writing experience i had ever had in my entire life. Every keystroke was a real, tangible thing. Written in ink.

Good times.

I may take up journaling via handwriting again. Just because i have good handwriting and i enjoy it + it is a tangle, real thing. Written in ink.

Digital things mean nothing. This entire sentence doesn't even make up a kilobyte. It will be posted on this write.as blog, it will (probably) get aread a few dozen times, and then it will be in the ether. Never to be looked at again. And the same with my current ebook, Littered Thoughts. I have not printed any physical copies yet, so, it is just pixels on whoever's screen. Nothing.

Starting a PHYSICAL journal right now

this sunset is heavenly

even though it is a bit on the “bright af” side. It will look great when it dims but there are no clouds in the sky, so it won't be a light show. just a nice, quiet, calm evening.

making java

also enjoying the fresh air. significantly than it has been in the past week (but still warm, for sure). I am going to keep my windows open (with AC running) until the sun drops, then i will turn off the AC. Hot coffee will be a good thing at sunset. i love nature. i love life.

had a nap

feel good

getting down to the 60' tonight

gonna sleep with the windows open

that's all

Intentional Writing

A second cup of coffee is always better than the first one. I am getting proper wired right now and thinking about digging back into this philosophy book, but then again, i “want the time to be right” which is a weird way of looking at/carving out reading time. The main point is, the book is a tap away on the Tab A which i am using right now and i am better at getting books READ in this manner (instead of having to deliberately settle down with a physical book and making a damn event out of it).

Am I a “Creator”

As in, am i the type of person who “creates” things for the Internet? My answer: No. I write like fuck because it is something i am more than passionate about. In fact it is a blessing AND a curse. I feel it is more or less a calling which I have no choice in whether or not I am going to do it on a daily basis. “Nice problem to have”, some might say and they'd be right! I am quite happy being a writer, be it in a professional format (blogging) or simply writing in an offline journal (which I do. More so than blogging, actually).

So do i “create” things? Is writing creating? I would say....sort of(?). I mean even though 100% of my thoughts aren't things that haven't been expressed in one format or another by other people (which means there's more like ME! hahaha), but, basically no creator (at least that I have found on the Internet) is doing 110% original content. I could go into the specifics, but that might be for another time.

Also, i do none of this for money. I hate ads. Nothing is going behind a paywall. There are no sponsorships. I don't SELL my e-books (they are free downloads). And I am going to do this anyway, so, why would i fuck everything up by adding the money element to it? Money is nice (it's OK, if you already have it), but i wouldn't transfer my life-long passion into a money game. This separates me from most people, I guess. But I am more than OK w/ that. I am not most people.

coffee, veggies, ramen (or rice), water, and PB&J

these are the things i need to survive. all vegetarian (or vegan, actually) all good for ya, and satisfies me greatly :)

I have some to write about (unrelated)

brb