Open Field Reflections

Reflections & Secretions of a Psychotherapist

The past few years have brought home to me the powerful and pernicious tendency of the human mind to believe what it wants to believe and see what it wants to see. I've been musing recently of the apparently inverse relationship between the mountain of information available on the internet on one hand and the decline of objective and intelligent grasp of reality on the other. I’m often reminded of research indicating how internet posts that express simplistic moral outrage are much more likely than sober and nuanced posts to be liked, shared, and go viral. I realize with a deep internal sigh that this is due to immutable traits in human nature and will take immense effort at both the individual and collective levels to effect positive change.

Giving In

I once thought it was worth the fight The fight of a thousand faces in the dark Of friends and enemies tied in matrimony. But rocky cliffs do give way and crumble And there are promises of sweetness at the first cracking Of longings fulfilled and appetites met

*Originally published on wordpress on January 27th, 2015

I continue to struggle on an almost daily basis with this career path to become a licensed counselor. Swinging wildly from despair and regret to some sense of confidence that I may, just maybe, have made the right choice in moving back here to the United States in 2010 to attend graduate school at the age of 43, I try to keep the end goal in sight . The stakes were very high: My wife and I moved back here from Tokyo with all our belongings including several large pieces of furniture at our own expense. I’m now 47 and it’s been over 7 years since I left my corporate job with the six figure salary. I imagine how impossible it would now be for me to ever return to that stable and respectable career track. What a foolish, rash, silly decision to have quit, I often think. Some fog must have clouded my judgment. I now routinely get rejected for non-paid internships which much younger candidates are offered. As I get closer to the 3000 hours required for licensure, the cloud of foreboding and anxiety grows ever larger.

My main source of consolation has been spiritual exploration. Regular meditation and studying the Course in Miracles has been helpful. The words from this course are lovely and seem to ring true when I hear them. But some skepticism occasionally creeps up. Can it really be true that we are where we’re supposed to be in life?

Too Late

I found out too late that flowers blooming in junkyards are worthy of adoration Petals as lovely as those from a country garden Have wallowed too long in unrequited affection

I chime often of venalities and brutalities with piousness For I have embraced my image sodden with holiness With which I greet each dawn

I wish no more to see munificence for its own sake Enough of solemn words spoken in storied chambers The breath of which provides sustenance for but a few

If only redemption were so easy to be had By overdue forays into areas disdained By glances redolent with promise

But no – requisitions must come due And no place I’ve wept can be exempt

*originally published on wordpress on Feb 9, 2014