*Originally published on wordpress on January 27th, 2015

I continue to struggle on an almost daily basis with this career path to become a licensed counselor. Swinging wildly from despair and regret to some sense of confidence that I may, just maybe, have made the right choice in moving back here to the United States in 2010 to attend graduate school at the age of 43, I try to keep the end goal in sight . The stakes were very high: My wife and I moved back here from Tokyo with all our belongings including several large pieces of furniture at our own expense. I’m now 47 and it’s been over 7 years since I left my corporate job with the six figure salary. I imagine how impossible it would now be for me to ever return to that stable and respectable career track. What a foolish, rash, silly decision to have quit, I often think. Some fog must have clouded my judgment. I now routinely get rejected for non-paid internships which much younger candidates are offered. As I get closer to the 3000 hours required for licensure, the cloud of foreboding and anxiety grows ever larger.

My main source of consolation has been spiritual exploration. Regular meditation and studying the Course in Miracles has been helpful. The words from this course are lovely and seem to ring true when I hear them. But some skepticism occasionally creeps up. Can it really be true that we are where we’re supposed to be in life?