I did not think today would actually ever come. I thought the situation would change and the “last day” could be avoided. It feels weird not having control of the circumstances. I can’t tell if I feel relief or nervousness about potentially having to start over…
I have not thought about what to tell people when they ask why I am not working. I am sure I will come up with something vague, but I actually have to pack up my things now. That feels odd. I don’t feel like I am finished here, maybe I can come back once things clear up, but I am also curious about trying something new. I have so many ideas but I struggle with bringing them to fruition.
I definitely need to refocus on my health. My sleeping and eating habits are not good and are affecting me in more ways than just feeling tired or hungry. I have regained weight I had already lost and I am positive my cortisol levels have shot high. I need to take care of myself so that will be my first task.
I may not know what the next few weeks will bring, but at least I know what I can do in the meantime.
This marks the day before my last day. It could be one day, one week, one month, or longer… only time will tell how long I'll be out. I have not felt the same amount of motivation to track this blog as I did last week when I started, but I think that is what makes it a good challenge. I also think the emotional toll will start showing more as we continue.
Now I feel like I procrastinated the last bit of what I have to do and left it entirely for the last day. I need to finish up between today and tomorrow so we will keep this short.
This is my last Monday. I feel tired today and don’t have much else to say.
I would have probably sat with some uncomfortable feelings today had I not signed myself up to volunteer for eight hours. I am dreading the next few days of work a little bit, but mostly because it is my last three days and I am feeling tired. There is also the fact that I don’t actually have any work to do so I am really just going to hang out but not do anything besides sit at a desk in front of a computer. I can’t even try to make myself useful, since I would only be able to complete projects that don’t take more than three days.
It hasn’t fully hit me that after Wednesday my schedule will look a little different. I am taking it one day at a time, but I am ready for rest and time to reevaluate a lot in my life.
I typically love to reset on the weekends. It helps set me up for the work week ahead. My Saturdays are typically filled with laundry, grocery shopping, working out, catching up with friends, and doing some of my hobbies.
This one feels just a little bit different, because even though I still need to set myself up for success for the coming week, I only have three more days of work before every weekday becomes another Saturday.
Alas, I keep up with the routine and reset for the coming week.
Today marks my last Friday.
I am dreading not having a steady paycheck. I looked over my budget and I should be fine for a short while, however I was on track to meet all of my financial goals this year and now that will be disrupted. Today was my last complete paycheck. It is unfortunate that instability may soon be my reality especially after how hard I have worked to build financial stability and independence.
It is not all bad though. I am excited to focus on my writing more seriously than I ever have before, spending extra time on hobbies that could turn into more, and keeping myself relevant in my community through volunteering. Honestly, all the things I already love but simply don’t pay the bills.
I daydream about time off work all the time, and I genuinely find it exciting. Maybe this is a sign to dedicate this unprecedented time on something that could be more successful than I realize.
I suppose we will find out soon enough…
It is my last Thursday at work before I regain 40+ hours a week into my life. I spent the first half of the morning looking over my budget and finances and trying to figure out how to make it last an unknown amount of time. I have also been trying to brainstorm other forms of income that I could supplement. As stressful as this may sound, I don’t feel totally hopeless.
I have supportive family and friends, a community that I love, and I am looking forward to time with myself. I plan on volunteering, making art, and finally prioritizing my health in ways working full-time never allowed. For example, I am looking into getting a commuter bike so I can get around this way. It will help me save money on gas and allow me to stay fit, but I could never account for the extra time it takes to bike rather than drive if I were working my regular 9-5. See we are always trying to maximize our time to manage priorities, but what happens when the priorities disappear or shift?
For now, I am still making the drive. This morning I filled mine with Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. This particular sentence regarding a story of a student from the U.S. who wanted to join Japanese branch of Buddhism caught me off guard and I even rewound the audiobook to hear it again.
“…his suffering subsided only when he resigned himself to the truth of his situation. When he stopped fighting the facts and allowed himself to more fully feel…”
This is what I plan to do – allow myself to feel the reality of my situation in order to have the best possible experience from it.
I am one week away from going out of office for an unknown amount of time.
This time it is not by choice. For most people, this may be an opportunity to reset, reconnect, and slow down. For me, I have already done that once and I am unconvinced this time will be the same. This is a forced pause, undefined in length and not entirely of my choosing. It does not spark joy or inspire creativity, however I refuse to sit idly by. I will deliberately be productive and will show up even when there is nowhere to be.
I am being given time, a resource most people never have enough of. I have big plans and a large to-do list to complete. Most importantly, I want to challenge and surprise myself. I know I am more capable than I allow myself to believe, yet that inner voice lingers loudly. I suppose that is why I am starting this.
I refuse to be defined by my reality and limited by my circumstances.