Conversation between myself #before15 and #After15 [05/21, 19:30] Balungile: Hey [05/21, 19:31] Troy: Balungile [05/21, 19:36] Balungile: How the fuck are you? [05/21, 19:37] Troy: I'm super dope dude? How are you? [05/21, 19:38] Balungile: I'm perfectly fine . I miss you 😞 [05/21, 19:39] Troy: I miss you too.Will I ever see you again? [05/21, 19:41] Balungile: You would, had it been easy to burry bruises. Mend the heart. Now all that is impossible.
I have changed. I don't laugh, talk or smile the same. A lot has happened. Ever since you left. [05/21, 19:43] Troy: Well I could come back, you know? [05/21, 19:45] Balungile: Would you unbruise my soul? Unbreak my heart? I don't think so.
Look I did this to my self. [05/21, 19:48] Troy: I know I wouldn't be able to undo everything, I just want to be there for you. Take care of your bruises. I shouldn't have left cause just maybe. Maybe you would've remained the same wouldn't you? [05/21, 19:54] Balungile: Well maybe ,maybe not. I'm uncertain. And you know how uncertainty causes confusion .
See I pushed you away because I thought I could handle everything. I thought .Love would forever be all that glitters, unaware that, not all that glitters is gold.
I should have kept you. For ever. But I wanted to experience. To love and to be loved back. And you , you tried to stop me from doing so. Which is why I understand only today that you meant well.
I didn't get it back then because, because I was young and naive. [05/21, 20:03] Troy: Well I know I tried to warn you, but reading this makes me wish I would have tried harder. But it's okay I guess. Maybe you need to experience everything so you would know what I was right. Maybe not.
What did they do you ? Can you love truly again?
Do you trust the same?
Who is this whole new you, how is she like ? [05/21, 20:04] Troy: Needed ** [05/21, 20:05] Troy: That ** [05/21, 20:06] Troy: You know what? Just forget the typos.
Surely you get the gist. [05/21, 21:28] Balungile: Lol yeah I get it.
Well they did everything they promised not to ever do. They sure broke my heart such that it doesn't break no more, or better yet I'm empty.
Love? Love is dangerous. I have bruises from it or maybe what I have perceived as love. Or what I have had, had been nothing like love. Or isn't love at all. So maybe I don't know what love is. But I know that I did love, and those who received it had glowing beautiful skin in my presence. Their eyes lit the whole room. Their smiles would end wars. I never had any of these, If I did, it lasted for a day or two. So I don't the right way to love or to be loved, that is if there's any.
Trust is playing with fire ,hoping you won't burn when you will. It's tearing your own heart apart. So no I don't trust the same.
The whole new me is cold and empty. Yes she smiles because it is what keeps her going.
She is over protective of herself. And when ever she tries to open up, people endup hurting her. She's forever a victim and she really doesn't pitty herself any more.
She knows that people aren't who they say they are. They think love is all fun and games and can't stand it when it rains .So she fights alone until she doesn't have the energy anymore. [05/21, 21:38] Troy: You know, give yourself time. Time to heal whatever wounds. Love yourself so much that it scares whoever wants to destroy the good person that you are. We all love, differently. We show it differently and when people don't show it like we do, we assume it's not there.
See when you're done loving yourself enough, you'll see who's not good for you miles away .
Now please do me this favor, so I won't regret myself again for leaving you.
Love yourself that no one even yourself Will be able to take advantage of you.
As I stick to the lane you sent me to. I miss you. But I know that now you're big enough to take care of yourself. I love you. [05/21, 21:47] Balungile: Well I love you even more. I have always missed you. I doubt if I'll ever stop.
This is the most important advice. I've had people, friends and family but they've never told me something this important. They never really taught me this. Self love. All my family told me was “you're too young to be in a relationship, and never told me the right age or and what to expect from a relationship.
Popular line from my friends is “life goes on ” which is true but you can't really go on without getting over the pain first.
I appreciate you. And thank you. For everything.