It is soothing,

not that someone will read what you have written, but that someone might.

Soothing is only true if they should like what you have written, or at least have some sympathy and empathy for it. Feeling you have a psychopathy, no, that would be at the very least unsettling.

Why is consenting to the loss of agency such a sexual turn-on for me? Is it proving how loyal and trusting you are to an apparently superior being? Does it just feel so good to go along on their ride? It is all just a pathetic fantasy for me that serves only to alienate me from my spouse and vice versa. I have been very lucky so far in my life that is all that the fantasy has done.