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”You’ll be going home with you father at some point, Mark my words” muttered my mother from her deathbed. Well, mother’s always right I guess. My brother made it 1 year and now he’s gone. He left in anger and he’s not communicating. I can only focus on things that I can fix therefore, I have to let him go. I believe he’s in the anger part of mourning because he’s blamed me for “killing our mother” because I provided her Hospice care, something I wish I never did but, I made a promise to her many years ago and you’re only as good as your word.

So I haven’t had the opportunity to get on in blog because there’s so much involved with moving. It’s not just that. I allowed my brother to rent a lot of space in my head because I also promised my mother that I’d take care of him however, you can’t take care of someone that chooses to walk away. I’ve moved past this and I’m finally at peace with it. I can’t afford to dwell. That brings me to dark places and to be honest, I just got out of that dark place and I’m not trying to go back. So I’ve let it go. I’ve turned it over, I’ve acknowledged that I’m powerless and I’m putting 110% into what I can help with.

You’d think that moving back to your childhood home would be fun and exciting but, I’m not going to lie, it’s been a bit stressful. We are giving up our home and I do love that home so much but, in the end it’s just a house and my father is far more important than that. I shared previously that Michael was so understanding and went right along with what needed to be done. Moving.

My mother received an inheritance when her parents passed away. They passed within months of on another and my mom got the money that was left to her. She decided at that point to redo the house to “my liking” because the house would be left to me. I sat with my parents and gave them my wishes as to what I’d like to see done in the house. I picked wood walls. I picked knotty pine for the walls. There’s just something about wood walls that I find so appealing. There was a full bathroom put In downstairs and it’s absolutely beautiful.

Now we get to the upstairs. The upstairs has been closed off basically since my mom passed. Nobody was ready to do anything up there. That of course changed when this sudden move was upon us. The plan has been made and some walls are coming down. My favorite part of the upstairs in this plan is my moms room becoming a “family room”. How beautiful, right? To sit with my children and grandchildren in the very room that my mother loved so much will truly help keep her sprit alive.

I know I made the right decision. I knew it the day my brother walked out the door. Is life easy? No. Is it impossible? No. I am a survivor, I am Kathie’s daughter. It was always mom and I against the world. I spent 17 years in that bedroom taking care of my beautiful mother. Now I’ll spend the next 17 making memories with my children and grandchildren in the very same room.

I’ve already started staying with my dad. Michael comes to us and then he goes home and our adult daughter is there to watch over him. Team players, that’s what I raised and I’m so proud of that. I am only 1 person and I can’t do it all. With the way things are right now, everyone has someone and that’s very important to me.

I don’t know what 2021 holds for all of us but, my momma told me that on January 1st you’re handed a blank book and this now was your opportunity to write your story for the year. I’m hoping my pages are filled with love, joy and happiness. I also hope that you all have books that are filled with the same.

Happy New Year to everyone and remember that book is your book to write so make the best of it. Be safe and know that I love and appreciate all of my supporters ♥️🎆