Under Construction!

Well, in the photo above are the 2 children that I have here on this earth! Adam and Alyson. They are my world, my life, my everything! Isn’t that what almost all moms say? These 2 truly are though. We practically grew up together! I gave birth to my son Adam at the tender age of 16 and then to Alyson at age 18. I do NOT regret this but, I also wouldn’t recommend a teenage pregnancy! It’s so HARD!

After having Adam and Alyson I went on to have 2 more children. They both passed at birth being born too soon!

Alex was born January 6, 1996 ( Happy almost Birthday my Angel 👼) and I had Alexis on November 1, 1996! That was one of the worst years of my life!

Following the birth of Alexis the Doctor informed me that I’d need an emergency hysterectomy! Somehow I wasn’t surprised because this is what happened to all of the women in my family. Including my mother and her sister. Early Hysterectomies!

So if I didn’t have Adam and Alyson when I did then there’s a good chance that I never would have had children and I am ALL MOTHER!

Following the death of my mother so many thing’s have changed for me. One of the biggest thing’s is me realizing that my relationships with my children are not where I want them to be!

I feel that my children reach out only when they want something. I feel like I don’t reach out enough to them because I’m scorned. Silly right? YES! Completely silly and that’s why this mom is making changes!

There’s no denying the fact that once our children are grown and have their own children they are busier humans but, it’s still no excuse to not make time for family. I blame this on “ALL OF US”... not just them.

I’m the mom and it’s my job to rope everyone back in! I stated in a previous blog that I’m learning to respect myself and by doing so you’re setting the example for others to respect you.

Now that I have a babckbone and I’m not a people pleaser I’ve reached out to my children to tell them how disconnected I feel and how sad it makes me. They both agreed that they feel it too!

My children and I are going “back to basics”. I’m going to take Adam and Alyson out to dinner so I can just sit and talk to THEM! Find out what’s going on in life and figure out how we fix our “disconnection”!

This is so important to me and now I know it’s important to them too! No matter how old they are they will always be my babies and I don’t want to lose them in the rat race called, “Life”!

My children were definitely shocked to meet their new assertive mom but, my daughter absolutely loved it! My son well... I’ll let you know about that another time LOL!

The bottom line here is this. Life is short. You really never know what’s coming up next. You don’t want missed opportunities or regrets. I know by reaching out to my children and telling them how disrespected I feel I made the right choice. I feel that me taking my own blame was also of upmost importance and that puts us on a level ground.

Learning to respect myself is not something that comes easy to me. It’s very easy to make excuses as to “why” I’m so easily dismissed or overlooked. I never stood up for myself because I didn’t want to look pushy. I wanted to let my adult children live their adult lives but, I think we can find a “happy balance” where I can be involved but, not to involved!

This girl right here is my baby and we are very deeply connected. I knew she was pregnant before she knew. I know when she’s sick without her telling me and she’s an Epeleptic. I know when Alyson’s pre-seizure! The connection we have is something I’m proud of and something I’ll fight for. I never want to disrespect my adult children BUT, I don’t want to be “left behind” so these relationships are “Under construction” and I couldn’t be happier ♥️

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