People-pleasing and the so-called fawn response have been on the radar lately, since we are learning more and more about how damaging these can be to our mental health. In the past, I didn't realize how hard I tried to be “comfortable” to others. I thought that since I looked rebellious and didn't confirm to misogynistic standards of beauty, than I couldn't have possibly be people-pleasing, agreeable and conformist. Looks do unfortunately still matter much nowadays, and yes, I was perceived by a few as an “out of place” woman; but it didn't free me from the nets of submission. Let me give you a few examples. I used to think it was ok if my words were dismissed at work. I used to think I had to tolerate being cat-called. I used to try my hardest to avoid confrontation, even when my principal beliefs were compromised. I'd go home and cry and berate myself for being “weak”, for being a pushover, a doormat. I would internalise other people's mistakes, rudeness, lack of insight as my own fault. Somehow, it had always been my fault. I had to try harder. I had to use perfect words to present my ideas in the most pristinely peaceful, yet convincing manner. I had to be more careful to avoid my choices being questioned, I had to demonstrate that I deserved respect. I had to continuosly undermine my own core values in order to accommodate other people's preferences, to always play the devil's advocate. If you are in this place right now, let me tell you this. You do not have to be comfortable to others. You do not have to bend yourself over backwards for people not to get upset. You do not have to always uplift others, think of all the nuances yourself. Human interaction is a two way street. Yes, treat others with kindness and compassion. But, do not ignore your own pain and discomfort. Do not hurt yourself to spare another. You are just as worthy of compassion and space as they are. Stop apologizing for your existence. Come with an open mind and expect others to do the same. If they don't, that's on them. You do not have to be a pinnacle of gracious goodness who guides others out of darkness. You are human. You have dignity, by default. You have to have space to develop, to flourish. You cannot continuously step on your own needs and wants and expect to remain sane. Do not fall for the conformity trap. No matter how much you try, you will never please everyone.