It probably comes as no surprise that I think all borders, and their corresponding nations, should be abolished. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but I will kick and scream for a bare minimum of humanity in my social circles. I know the complete abolishment of the state won't come tomorrow and arguing that would probably be bad small talk, but treating asylum seekers with respect in accordance with the Geneva Convention seems more reasonable.
I don't know in today's America maybe we shouldn't expect that from the MAGA wearing cap crowd, but surely from our progressive and liberal communities, right? Right?
It's been eye opening for me in more ways than one recently to participate in a fundraiser through my work for the group Pueblo Sin Fronteras, a group of aid workers working along side the caravan of asylum seekers coming up from Honduras. In practice this means that at my service industry work when cashiering I need to advocate for the cause to a mostly liberal affluent white crowd.
I could write a whole essay on how disappointing it's been to see people in AK Press hoodies turn down rounding up the two cents of their purchase for asylum seekers, but I'm not even talking about that here. I'm talking about those white “leftists” who walk in our communities who feel so strongly against migration that they feel the need to go on long racist diatribes, because of how offended they are that we would support such a cause. This happens nearly everyday at a community owned democratically managed food co-op in Portland, OR.
This has made me consider a lot of things:
How racist many in this community are
How complicit capitalism is that it won't allow for these types of confrontations of racist values in daily life (we can kick people out of the co-op if they go on a racist rant)
How much privilege my white skin affords me as dealing with these terrifying people everyday is enough to make me not want to leave the house
How complicit I am in so many areas of my life not advocating for justice out of comfort
That last one has been hitting me hard. My life is a shit show, and finding a balance has been a huge struggle for me. Still I know I need to do more in this area. I know I need to make myself less comfortable and more willing to engage those around me. I need to speak up. I need to be less comfortable. The cafe is on fire, and this is not fine.
i joke sometimes about fedi branding. I use it as a term to try to be a quick replacement label for expressing who I am on the fediverse.
Lately, I've just been feeling misunderstood and unseen. Which true or not is a recipe to make me feel unwanted in a space. In fact the exact opposite of why I fell in love with the community in the fediverse in the first place.
So, I want to clarify a few things.
I'm not always nice. I'm an anarchist who believes in a strong tension between communal and individual priorities. Meaning, I think both communitarian ideals and individualistic tendencies are needed in a complete political philosophy. However, I conceded that these tendencies are in conflict and will forever be. Mining the tension between the two is where I always find my own truth. While that usually lands me pretty close to the philosophy of Lucy Parsons, I do have a soft spot in my heart for the illegalists (like the Bonnot Gang) and insurrectionary anarchist tendencies. It seems to me that there is a recent trend to erase the individualist tendencies from the anarchist milieu. I'm still gonna be out here carrying a banner for a union of egos, but at the same time critical of Stirner's ignorant ass.
I'm not always nice. I fight people in real life. You know when they show those lineups of white supremacist murderers on TV or on the mainstream media news websites? One of those guys threatened me with a baseball bat, then stabbed my friend a few days later. This isn't a 'what if' for me. It's my life. One of the reasons I post selfies and my real first name on masto without worry about opsec is because that ship has already sailed. Literal nazis have come and done real harm to my community. We are under real threat that rises and falls. It's not hypothetical. So, when an online nazi rolls in and people expect civility towards them it's laughable. I'd put them in the ground IRL. Why would I show them an ounce of respect online? If I could send a knife blade through the Internet I would.
A lot of times I'm nice. I think it catches people off guard when I'm mean. Most of the time I'm really nice. This is true IRL as well. I will work hard to help others out. However, I have a line and when it's crossed I get mean. It's a defense mechanism, because I know from experience that others won't step up to protect me.
There is this trope about the “crazy violent trans woman” that feeds from trans misogyny. I think a lot of the subtle shade I'm feeling from a lot of corners comes from that. Why am I not acting like a proper woman?. Why am I being loud?. Why don't I just stay in my nice demeanor and let people walk over me? I hope the answers to those are obvious.
Lilah is a sweet little cat who always makes sure that everyone in the room knows exactly how she feels at any given moment. She can get moody. Once she got so impatient waiting to be fed she threw a toy pepper at my head from across the room just to show me she meant business.
Hugs
Lilah doesn't just like to cuddle. She likes full on hugs and snuggles. She will pounce on you and and wrap her arms and legs around in an embrace. If this cat chooses to love you, she loves you hard.
