polymerwitch

i joke sometimes about fedi branding. I use it as a term to try to be a quick replacement label for expressing who I am on the fediverse.

Lately, I've just been feeling misunderstood and unseen. Which true or not is a recipe to make me feel unwanted in a space. In fact the exact opposite of why I fell in love with the community in the fediverse in the first place.

So, I want to clarify a few things.

I'm not always nice. I'm an anarchist who believes in a strong tension between communal and individual priorities. Meaning, I think both communitarian ideals and individualistic tendencies are needed in a complete political philosophy. However, I conceded that these tendencies are in conflict and will forever be. Mining the tension between the two is where I always find my own truth. While that usually lands me pretty close to the philosophy of Lucy Parsons, I do have a soft spot in my heart for the illegalists (like the Bonnot Gang) and insurrectionary anarchist tendencies. It seems to me that there is a recent trend to erase the individualist tendencies from the anarchist milieu. I'm still gonna be out here carrying a banner for a union of egos, but at the same time critical of Stirner's ignorant ass.

I'm not always nice. I fight people in real life. You know when they show those lineups of white supremacist murderers on TV or on the mainstream media news websites? One of those guys threatened me with a baseball bat, then stabbed my friend a few days later. This isn't a 'what if' for me. It's my life. One of the reasons I post selfies and my real first name on masto without worry about opsec is because that ship has already sailed. Literal nazis have come and done real harm to my community. We are under real threat that rises and falls. It's not hypothetical. So, when an online nazi rolls in and people expect civility towards them it's laughable. I'd put them in the ground IRL. Why would I show them an ounce of respect online? If I could send a knife blade through the Internet I would.

A lot of times I'm nice. I think it catches people off guard when I'm mean. Most of the time I'm really nice. This is true IRL as well. I will work hard to help others out. However, I have a line and when it's crossed I get mean. It's a defense mechanism, because I know from experience that others won't step up to protect me.

There is this trope about the “crazy violent trans woman” that feeds from trans misogyny. I think a lot of the subtle shade I'm feeling from a lot of corners comes from that. Why am I not acting like a proper woman?. Why am I being loud?. Why don't I just stay in my nice demeanor and let people walk over me? I hope the answers to those are obvious.