Everyone Has Problems
Growing up I remember thinking about my weight a lot. I was very self conscious and always thought I was considered overweight. That is, thanks to the BMI test we had to do at school. What a load of BS that test is. I had a really hard time with that because I wanted to be “skinny” then, I wouldn't have any problems. Then, people would like me. Then, I would look good in the clothes all my friends looked good in. Then, boys would give me the same attention that they gave to my skinny blonde friends.
It was a constant struggle, feeling like I was unattractive. When people were confident about their appearance I would find something “off” and convince myself they were over compensating with “confidence” to make up for whatever that thing was. A twisted way of thinking, I'm aware, but it was my thought process.
It's carried with me into adulthood and it's been something I've had to fight. It's hard not to get jealous of the people that look the way you'd like to. It's hard not to feel envious of someone who has problems you wish you had.
Going through this first year of postpartum now I'm realizing that although that little voice in the back of my head has faded over the years, it's still there, whispering lies about my worth and my appearance and how they're connected. I talked about this feeling in my podcast episode yesterday where I shared about the hard day I had with my body.
Recently I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw a post from Chels Caris. She was talking about her “mommy body” and how someone told her that she was “too skinny” to have a mom bod.
How insane is that?
It instantly brought me back to my childhood when people would tell me to tell my sister to eat a burger because she was too skinny. Or when people would tell me that I needed to do whatever she was doing because she looked better than I did.
Little did they know, we were siblings through adoption and that our genetics, metabolisms and everything about our bodies were completely different. That being said, even if we were fully blood related that still wouldn't give anyone the right to compare what our bodies looked like and were capable of. The point is, we were two different people.
Weight affects everyone differently.
You can be skinny and unhealthy.
You can be overweight and unhealthy.
You can be the scientifically determined “correct” weight and be unhealthy.
My point? Everyone has problems.
Whether or not you have problems with your weight is irrelevant. Everyone struggles with something regardless of what they look like, no one person is exempt from that.
That means we can't use it as a measurement of success or failure. It means that we need to stop the comparison game and assumptions. And it means that we need to stop claiming that those are “skinny” can't have problems. Skinny shaming is just as wrong as “fat” shaming.
I know how hard it is when you're so incredibly jealous of someone who looks the way you want to look, I 100% get it. I get feeling like they have no idea what it's like to walk in your shoes and to feel like they shouldn't get to complain about their bodies or be insecure if they're under a certain number on the scale, I get it. But just as we don't want to be shamed for our circumstances, which are far better than majority of the world in one way or another, we shouldn't shame others for theirs.
Our bodies are within our control to an extent, but at the end of the day it is and what it is. We have the chance to celebrate one another and the beautiful things that we accomplish. We get to celebrate that our bodies enable us to accomplish things by carrying us through life and continuing to operate on their own. It's a beautiful thing and I think if we started viewing our bodies for what they can do instead of what they aren't, we'd be a lot happier and more at peace than we are now.
How can you appreciate and celebrate your body this week? (Even if you don't love it, I promise there is something you can be thankful for.)