Riley Q

Hey Coil friends!

I hope you had a lovely weekend. Today I'm bringing you a life and pregnancy update, which I usually do in the form of video but I wasn't having it this week. I think it's important that I keep ya'll in the loop on what's happening in my life, because after all, this is still a blog. I've brought you along for the last year of marriage and fertility struggles and pregnancies and loss and I don't know, I just like to keep you up to date. It makes me feel like we're a little more connected. Be sure to read until the end because I'm thinking about adding a new topic to my blog, but I wanted your input!

Life Update: For those of you who saw, I tweeted Friday night that I was taking the weekend off Coil/Twitter and honestly, I ended up not really using any social media at all. I scrolled a bit and re-shared a few things that I absolutely could not pass by, but other than that I went under the radar this weekend. It was nice and much needed. I did work a little bit on a client's website but for the most part I rested and binge-watched Private Practice (who knew my fave *early* Grey's Anatomy character had a spin off?! Not me until this week). We also had a family get together at the farm on Saturday and did a shrimp boil and fireworks and then celebrated Dustin's dad's birthday Sunday. Needless to say it was a family filled weekend and I'm still exhausted. Maybe next weekend I'll get a break... probably not.

As far as my mental health goes, I'm doing okay. I had a few anxious moments regarding the baby last week and stuff happening with Covid. I wish I was getting more thorough care, for example, last time I saw my doctor was 12 weeks and I won't see them again until 28 weeks which is a long time for a pregnancy. I'm also just so tired of the constant anger and fighting on social media, it's extremely stressful to think about bringing a child into this world when I feel like I myself am being suffocated by it all. And speaking of being suffocated, every time I go out with a mask on, which I only do for the comfort of others around me because based on actual science I don't believe they do much of anything, I feel like I am being suffocated. I'm not here to argue, so don't bother, but if you're questioning my questioning, I suggest looking up nanometers and micrometers, the conversion rate to a Covid-19 particle and the diameter filtration rate of a surgical mask. Which keep in mind, most people are using bandanas and cloth masks which have a much higher rate. Also maybe question how many times our medical leaders (the CDC & the WHO) have flip flopped on this subject. Basically, don't believe everything the media is trying to shove down your throat and do your own non-fear based, non-biased research. Anywho, while wearing a mask, without fail, I get very anxious, dizzy, nauseous and after awhile my breathing gets very labored, I feel like I'm being choked and I start hyperventilating. It throws me into a place mentally that I cannot handle and it reminds me of experiences that I still have PTSD from. It also makes me anxious because I am growing a baby, a human child, in my uterus and it needs all of the oxygen that I can give them. So, that's kind of stressful when I'm cutting that down. Needless to say, I had lot's of fun in the produce section of Walmart the other day. 🙃 After wearing one, it usually affects my mental health and I find that I'm more anxious and feel sick the rest of the day. It's a great time and so I've been avoiding going out or at least going to places where I need to wear one because if I don't go out, I start to fall into depression because I thrive off of other people's energy.

It's been interesting trying to balance it all without offending or scaring other people. Just because I have my opinions and beliefs doesn't mean that I throw other's to the wind. Unfortunately in this society, it's not usually reciprocated so I end up feeling like no matter what, if I stand up for my right to choose and my personal health, I'm going to lose. It's put a huge strain on my overall mental health and I've found myself way more stressed and anxious than I should be, especially trying to carry a healthy baby to full term. My point is, you never know why someone may or may not be choosing to do something. But insulting remarks, accusations, judgments and actions will not do anything but make this world a more stressful and dark place. We need light, love, understanding, grace and empathy more than anything right now. I encourage you to check your heart and make sure that you haven't been treating anybody poorly because of your personal beliefs.

Pregnancy Update: I am 20 weeks pregnant today according to my doctor, although I'm 21 weeks if you ask me, maybe I'll do a video on that sometime.

Today is our anatomy scan, we go at 10:30 am CST and we will find out the gender and make sure that all is right with the baby's heart. For those of you who don't know Dustin was born with a few holes in his heart which he had fixed at 3 months old. He also went on to have a valve replacement surgery at 18 and will have another one in a few years, probably around 26 or 27 depending on how long it holds up. That being said, they're not sure if his condition is genetic or not but our baby has a 5-10% chance of having it, so we will be finding out today. If you're the praying type, we'd appreciate all of the prayers we can get. I am SO excited to find out what we're having announce the gender. I am planning on making a video- as long as the sonographer let's us film in the room, but either way I'll be posting on Tuesday or Wednesday the results! As far as symptoms go, I am having really crazy and intense dreams which wake me up several times a night and leave me feeling like I haven't slept at all, so I'm quite exhausted. I also have severe lower back pain from my belly growing so freaking quickly, so I'm going to be ordering a belly/back brace and I'm hoping that will help. Other than that this second trimester is going swimmingly! We are planning my baby showers now and I've only got 6 more weeks left until I'm in my third trimester which is terrifying. Let's move onto a lighter subject... 😅

Coil Update: I am super excited to be working on a fun project that I think will truly help us drive more traffic to the Coil site and our articles. We know that it's difficult to get good SEO on our content on Coil and I have a few ideas for how to work on that through a third party, which obviously isn't ideal but it's worth the try right?! I've been working on a series of articles for that over the last few weeks and I'm finishing up the final touches on the project so that we can all test the theory together. I'm really excited because it's a fun practice that most of us already do and even if it doesn't help exponentially, at first, it definitely will not hurt! I'm also working on a few more pregnancy related posts and videos which are for my backlog because I want to provide content that future pregnant mama's can relate to and enjoy, even if they're not currently on Cinnamon or Coil. Stay tuned for all of that!

Now for your help.... I am considering branching out and talking more about my faith and how I view the world. I'm kind of scared to go there because I know it's not always kindly accepted to share a belief system that contradicts what the mainstream media would like us to believe is the universal belief. At the same time, I feel convicted to share my findings, my personal walk with God and how I'm feeling about where the church is at, where they're getting things wrong and where I'm personally at. I have found a lot of content out there from Christians criticizing the church for how it's handling issues, but not a lot of content about how we can personally handle and own these topics, outside of the church building. Contrary to popular belief, the church is us, as individuals and we have a responsibility to not just sit back and let the overall narrative be controlled, but go out into the world and speak up. There are some serious and heavy issues that we're facing right now and it seems that a lot of church leadership is getting it very wrong and they're misspeaking for a lot of people which is giving Christianity a very bad name and very bad look, and honestly, I'll be the first to say it, for good reason. I'd like to share how I'm handling things and how I believe we as believers could better handle things outside of the overarching “church” and be a light to those who need it right now. If you can't tell, I go against the grain of the traditional “sit still on Sunday's” mentality. I like to question things, look deeper and get to the root.

I'm not 100% sure where I want to go with that. Whether it's a series of blog posts, videos, or a mixture of multi-media. I also am wary to share my belief system because I know I'm a lifestyle blogger, Coil guru, and musician. That's what I am to ya'll and it's always scary revealing another part of myself. So let me know what you think in my tweet today or via DM's. This isn't a part of my life I want to hide anymore, I just can't, but I can either open up about it more in little ways here and there or I can do full blown posts. I only ask because I value your opinions, I value your insight and you're the ones consuming my content regularly. I want to make sure that I am continuing to create content that you would enjoy reading and watching! Whether or not you're a Christian, I'd love to hear your input. Ya'll mean a lot to me and I appreciate you so much.

I am SO excited to do a fun gender reveal post tomorrow or Wednesday. I may even participate in my first ever wordless Wednesday if I get my photos back in time. Although I doubt I could ever have a post that is completely wordless.. 😂

Thanks for catching up with me, I'd love to know how you're doing! Let me know on my tweet one thing that's happened in your life lately. Until next time, I love you all, blessings.

xoxo – Ry

I learned a very interesting lesson this morning. Our nephew was over at the house and he is almost three, but just learning to communicate via words. He can understand you and he will do his fair share of grunting and pointing, but we're trying to help him learn how to use words to tell us what he needs, what he wants and how he feels. This is a typical milestone, especially for boys, that they hit around this age.

I sat and watched as his great-grandmother held him and he was grunting and pointing and whining for something. Over and over again she said “tell me what you want” and he kept on getting madder and madder. He was pointing, he was crying and in his little mind, he was telling her what he wanted. In her mind he was being lazy and he wasn't trying to use his words. But what he doesn't understand yet is that humans aren't mind readers and although we can figure things out via context clues, we need words to communicate.

With the impending arrival of our baby I've been doing a lot of research on childhood development and how to raise children. I've also spent a lot of time around kids, especially small children in daycare settings so I have some experience as it is. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries as my elder, I waited for her to put him down and walk away from the crying toddler. This is a traditional way of reacting and yes, sometimes, you need to let them sit in their feelings, but this situation needed a little bit of personal attention. I realized that in this moment it wasn't a matter of him doing something wrong, but it was a matter of miscommunication.

How often do we as adults miscommunicate with each other?

Setting expectations and standards for how we expect to be treated and addressed, yet we rarely use our words, until it's too late. Especially in relationships, unspoken communication slips in more and more until both parties are unhappy and unwilling to communicate. In this instance I saw an opportunity to step in and instead of asking him what was wrong or trying to comfort him and giving into the emotion of the situation, I asked if I could help him. He nodded yes and walked me over to the tub of toys he wanted to play with. The problem was that he had a phone in one hand and he couldn't pick up the toy box with just one hand. I then suggested that I help him find the right words to say. I had read that simply saying “use your words” confuses a child because sometimes they don't know the right words to say. Which makes sense, I mean even as adults we still learn new words regularly, this is a life long process of learning. Using that phrase also flusters the child because it puts pressure on them to perform and they simply don't know how.

When I asked to help him find the words, I started pointing.

“Tub of toys?” He nods.

“Say toys.”

“Toy”

“Where would you like the toys?” He points to the living room.

“Say living room.”

“Wiving Woom” (He's still working on R's, it's precious.)

“Would you like some help taking the toys into the living room?”

He nods.

“Can you say help, please?”

“Hep pwease”

“Good job using your manners, let's take them in there!”

In this moment I see that by taking the time to help him find the words he needed, it showed him that he was capable but I was there to help. He naturally tried to do it himself. I watched him attempt to pick up the heavy bucket in one hand with the phone in the other and it slips and falls. He tries again but he's getting flustered. I understand, sometimes as adults we just need help, but we don't know how or we're too afraid to ask for help. Funny how some things never change.

Instead of simply doing the task for him, as that teaches him that if he whines enough things will be done for him, (ahem, entitlement, also a common problem adults face), I asked him if he would like me to take the phone so he can carry the bucket. He smiled and said “yes” (already taking ownership of his words) and handed me the phone. Now obviously I could have had him put the phone in the bucket, but I also wanted to teach him that if he needed help, he could get it. He then proceeded to pick up the bucket and lugged it over to where he wanted it, dumped it out and started lining up his tractors and cars in the order he likes them. He's very particular about his lineup. 😉

I sit and write this as I watch him playing with his toys on the floor and I can't help but smile. He reminded me that we all have to actually work to communicate. We live in a world that wants everything, especially answers and action immediately. I think that is partially because we've become entitled to other people doing things for us and not having to actually take much time to communicate. We simply don't give people the time. But just as kids need intentional communication and time spent to be understood and to learn that they're worthy of being understood and important enough to be taught how to communicate effectively, adults need to intentionally communicate as well.

I don't post this for praise or anything like that, but to remind you to slow down and pay attention to the people around you and what they're trying to communicate. Maybe as adults we've grown out of whining and crying (some of us) but we still give off cues when we're feeling misunderstood or when we need help but don't have the words to say it. This could be in the form of stress, physical signs of exhaustion, messiness, snapiness, perpetual sadness or quietness- there's lots of cues. I encourage you to attempt to be aware of your surroundings and the people you interact with. It never hurts to ask someone if they need help, especially if they seem to be struggling. It may take a few more minutes from your day, but not only will you be encouraging someone, you will be partaking in positive human interaction which we are all in need of. It will also encourage those people to intentionally communicate and remind them that it's okay to ask for help.

This practice alone could help improve someone's mental health significantly and for me that's worth a few minutes of my day.

I encourage you to pay attention to how you're communicating today and see where you might be able to improve to prevent an issue from arising or to help alleviate an already existent one.

xoxo – Ry

Let's not pretend that this year hasn't been insane.

As many of you know I am from America, born and raised, so I can only speak from an American perspective, but I'm sure this will still apply to many of you around the world, which is crazy within itself.

I have made it very clear that we have a serious mental health problem on our hands and it has become increasingly worse with the shutdowns- a repercussion that not a single government truly took into account and are ignorantly continuing to look past.

That being said, we have to take things into our own hands.

Mental health varies for each individual and I believe that continues to hold true even now, but the bar has been lowered overall. Keeping this in mind, even if you feel like you're doing just fine, I encourage you to read this entire article as you may just find a few things relatable and even helpful.

Stepping into the second half of the game... I mean year... we are completely unsure of what's to come, but as of right this second, I think we have a few minutes to catch a breather. We have rules in place, we've stabilized, and despite what the media would like you to believe, things are getting better overall.

This gives you the opportunity to take some time to heal from the trauma that we've endured the past few months and to work on figuring out where we want to go next. I see a lot of people beating themselves up right now but let me just be frank:

We had our entire world flipped on its head this year. People dying in mass, shutdowns unlike anything we've ever seen, people losing their jobs and their businesses and their livelihood. Losing their houses and their apartments and their vehicles. Being stripped of their ever day routines and security. A lot of these may seem like “first world problems”, which maybe they are, but the quickness and severity of the circumstances are enough to throw even the strongest, most grounded person into a tailspin.

My point is, if you're feeling off, confused or broken right now, that's to be expected. And if you're not, I encourage you to dig deep and make sure that you're not suppressing anything.

As humans we tend to hold ourselves responsible for the things we simply cannot control. We beat ourselves up over sub-conscious thoughts and blame ourselves in hopes of making it all make sense. But listen up love, nothing you could've done or said could change what you endured in the last few months. It was out of your control and I know that the pieces you're picking up right now, you just want them to fit back together, but like a house after a hurricane, sometimes you just have to let it go. Let all of the pieces be swept away by the ocean (tsunami) that has been 2020 and see this as an opportunity to start fresh and build something even more beautiful than before. See this as an opportunity to step into the person you want to be and the life you want to live. You may never have this chance again.

What are you releasing? Well, your expectations to start. The things you lost over the last few months. The “supposed to's”. The memories and the events and all of the things that were supposed to happen, but just didn't. It sucks. It plain sucks. But we cannot go back and get those things and they're never going to happen in the way that you imagined them.

How do you release them? My favorite thing to do is cry, but maybe that's not for you. Maybe you journal, go on a walk and scream, write down all of the things you're devastated about missing or losing and then burn it. Do whatever you need to do to physically feel a release.

Please note: I realize that many of you lost family members and friends. You went through severe trauma. Maybe you lost your job, house, apartment, or something tragic happened and you had to deal with it on top of the pandemic. I want you to know that I realize that these things can not simply be released. Grieve, mourn, take time and I encourage you to see a therapist or a counselor virtually. Do not isolate yourself, please get some help.

Once you've worked on releasing the expectations and the lost moments, it's time to reframe your mindset. Shift how you're going to view things going forward so you don't go backwards and so that you're prepared for the worst case scenario moving forward. Remember: prepared NOT paranoid. A lot of people are paranoid right now and treating people horribly because of it and that's not okay. We all have the information- or a version of it- and we are capable of making our own choices. If our media was actually doing its job we'd have an unbiased, truthful version of it, but unfortunately they don't make a ton of money off of the truth. If you truly want to be informed, do your own research not based off of the top 5 results in your google search. Anyways, that was a tangent, but don't be paranoid, the goal is to be prepared. The first step is to reframe our mindset from the last few months. If we want to think about it from a spiritual standpoint, God, the universe, however you view a higher power- what were we spared from in not getting to experience those things? What were we taught instead? What did we gain from that experience? What were we blessed with? How will those things be exponentially better because they're happening later?

Now I'm not talking about for those who lost their family members and were unable to say goodbye, or those who missed out on the birth of a new baby or who have struggled with the hard things- I'm talking about the day to day and the fun events we've missed. It's okay to be sad, devastated, about all of the things you missed and how you were alone, but wallowing in the sadness forever will do nothing but leave you stuck in the suck. Take your sadness and carry it with you, put it in a locket, but don't stay in the pool. If you stay there eventually the weight will pull you under and it'll be hard to emerge.

How do you rebuild when your whole world came crumbling down? You move to a new plot of land. Start over. Re-establish and check in with yourself about what your dreams are and where your priorities lie.

Did you discover that you're really good at a specific hobby while stuck in isolation? What can you do with that?

What about your family, did you realize you don't spend near enough time with them? How can you change your lifestyle to prioritize them?

How can you prepare yourself in case something ever did happen again? Where did you fall short, where did you struggle to fill in the gaps?

Do you need a more reliable source of work? Can you finally go for that dream job?

Were you prepared financially? Can you reframe how you view saving and spending?

Did you go into full panic mode? Can you work on building up your spiritual and mental foundation to handle crisis in a little bit better way? (Do not beat yourself up for how you handled this, it caught us all off guard, but I believe it revealed a lot of weak spots in all of us.)

Do not waste one more minute of your life settling for less. Go for the things you're passionate about; your callings. Don't allow yourself to wallow in fear or sadness anymore. Let yourself feel all of the things, but don't get stuck. Move forward and learn and live and grow. Feel the dirt under your feet and the sun on your face and breathe the fresh air in. Do not allow yourself to be suffocated anymore. We are rebuilding as a world and we're going to come out of this better than ever if we choose kindness, grace, understanding, love and rebirth. View this as the opportunity of a lifetime to change the path that you were headed down.

We're entering the second half of this year, how will you choose to make it count?

xoxo – Ry

It takes a village.

Support is incredibly important.

Showing up for the people around you, both physically and virtually is key to helping others find success.

In this day and age, I don't care how much money you have in advertising dollars or how many people you can get to “like” your page, if you don't have a core group of people who are supporting you through everything you're doing and sharing and promoting your work, your projects and career are going to suffer. Obviously the amount of these people is relative to the person and the project, but don't underestimate personal support.

Don't underestimate the power of those who rally around you when times get tough, who remind you of your worth and who you are and show up relentlessly to help you achieve your goals.

THOSE are your people.

I think we clam up sometimes and forget to support each other because we get so overwhelmed by the amount of people on social media and online, but really, it takes two seconds.

..to tell someone that you're thinking of them.

..to hit that share button and help expose your friend's project to people who aren't in their natural sphere.

..to type out a comment and tell someone how proud you are.

..to look up and download that song they just released.

..to hit follow.

..to send that tip on gFam. (Hehe, just had to throw in a personal example/show support for a new platform who needs our help to grow! But see how easy that was?!)

I know it sounds like a lot, but when you have creative friends, there is nothing that means more to them than when you go out of your way to support them. It's not always natural as we intake much more content than we interact with, but that doesn't mean that we can't make it a priority.

Keep a running list of people on your phone or in a collection on Instagram or on your favorites tab on your computer. Circle back to this list often of people who you desire to support.

I know that as a society when we think of support we think of spending money and while that is a good example,

Coil is a great example of this. For $5 a month you have the ability to pay for a membership that goes to support every single creator on the platform. Every time you simply show up and read their work, you're automatically sending them money without having to lift a finger. That's such an easy way to support your friends! The same goes for Cinnamon, you simply show up with your Coil subscription and watch their video and you've sent them money and supported them just by enjoying their content.

As we see this system of support start to grow and expand to other platforms and services, I think it's important that we remember to be intentional about supporting each other. We have so much power in community and in our numbers, we simply have to stick together and cheer one another on.

Who can you take two seconds to support today?

xoxo – Ry

Yesterday I posted a slightly uncomfortable post about the boost program and encouraged those who are discouraged about not hitting their goals to keep going. After filming the other night this song came to mind and I just had to share it with you. It's a beautiful song about living in the moment because even when you do reach your goals and get what “you want”, you realize that your life isn't determined by things, but by the moments you embrace and the people you love.

I just wanted to say, since I didn't make it clear enough in my boost video, how absolutely grateful I am for Coil and their technology and the community that I am a part of. It is an honor to be able to share my content and show up passionately and know that I am not only going to find support in the community but that I'm also getting paid for it. Ya, I get paid to do what I love. Not many people can say that. So thank you, each and every one of you for always supporting me. You're seriously the best and I hope you enjoy this song. It's a bit rough because it's the end of the day and pregnancy has wreaked havoc on my vocal cords, but I did my best. 😂

xoxo – Ry

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=349247446695544117