Meet Me Under the Mistletoe đ
The Greater Picture Path
Sometimes what feels like the greatest risk or the greatest loss ends up being the greatest gain.
I've taken a lot of risks in my life. I've made a lot of quick, un-calculated moves, some worked out, a lot didn't. But the common denominator between the ones that worked and the ones that didn't is this:
My husband, Dustin, is always talking about how small the world actually plays. There are few and far between who see the big picture of what can be, and far fewer who run towards it with excitement and grit.
When I imagined the man I would marry, I never saw myself marrying someone who thought more out of the box than I did. I figured I'd marry an introverted, simple man and we'd have a sensible relationship that ended in the American dream. What I came to find is although Dustin is introverted, he is calculated, he is a risk taker, he is complicated and he is anything but sensible. Dustin sees the bigger picture in ways that many don't.
He looks at the American dream and sees that there is far more out there than a mortgage payment and a dog.
He looks at me and sees more than a singer, he sees a life long career of helping people through music and stories.
He looks at our finances and sees the potential for giving and profiting because he sees the big picture- he sees the possible abundance.
But not only does he see all of it, he believes it. He believes it's for us.
And to take it a step further, not only does he believe, but he sees the path to getting there. He sees the path of least resistance and he doesn't take it because he knows that path is playing small and to get to the big picture, you cannot play small.
I am so grateful that God paired me and Dustin together. On the outside, we don't look too compatible.
But on the inside, man, we were made for each other.
We are passionate about living a big life- not to have money or fame or possessions- those are temporary and material- but because we believe that living the big picture life means having greater opportunities to give back, love people, share truth and light and make this world a better place.
On our personal levels we have big dreams that we know we will be able to fulfill throughout walking the path to the big picture life together. Ya know, a lot of people say âwhen I get there I'll do xâ or âwhen I have the money then I'll be able to do xâ. But what if you could do, see, experience, give back now? What if you could do all of the things you want to do and dream about doing as you work your way to the big picture dreams?
You see, when you are on your way to living the life that you are meant to live, if you are really following your path and walking step by step with your guidance, you will find your dreams coming true in day to day life! Life isn't about waiting, it's about enjoying and doing what you can now so you can do bigger things when the time is right.
This lifestyle, it isn't easily achieved. Big life and big love isn't achieved by showing up and going through the mundane motions. You've been living the same life for 15 years, because you've done the same things for 15 years. It's that simple.
If you want to live a different way, you have to live a different way.
You cannot simply expect things to change. Your circumstances will not change unless there is
Your finances will not change until you stop spending frivolously, get on a budget, get out of debt, save, build an emergency fund and start investing wisely.
Your relationship with your mother will not change unless you intentionally take responsibility for YOUR actions, heal from wounds and make it a priority to show up and have a relationship with her.
Your relationship with your partner will not improve until you deal with and work through your fears and struggles. When you intentionally show up to therapy and counseling and take active steps to implement healing and growth, then you will see change.
You career isn't going to skyrocket until you stop seeing yourself as part of the conveyor belt and instead you see yourself as the one who's running the conveyor belt.
Until you decide to stop playing small, you will always play small.
Until you decide to make change and believe that you are capable of more, you will stay stuck in your current lifestyle.
Until you decide to truly want something different- to the point where you will FIGHT for it- you're not going to change.
Change only occurs when risk is taken. When a sacrifice is made and a cycle is broken, the opportunity to do bigger has space to flourish.
When backed up with the belief that the opportunity is possible and the confirmations that the opportunity is for you- THEN change can occur.
A lot of people preach that you just have to show up and believe that something is possible for it to happen. But dear, I could show up on Christmas morning and believe with all of my heart that a brand new MacBook is under the tree for me, but unless someone made a sacrifice to spend that money, take the time to get and wrap the MacBook and put it under the tree- it's not going to happen.
That action often implies risk.
I grew up not taking many risks. I played by the rules. If I won, it was fair and square. If I wanted something, I waited my turn. I didn't raise my hand in class because I didn't want to have the wrong answer. But one day, I had to take a risk. I had to believe that no matter what, my leap into the abyss was going to work out for my good. It wasn't until I experienced that leap of faith that I started to believe in my ability to take risks.
Sometimes my risks are calculated, sometimes they're my last resort; sink or swim.
I picked up and moved 500 miles away.
I started a business with absolutely nothing.
I quit *one* job *three* times.
I told the truth when there was no physical evidence to back it up. I went on the date.
I got married at 19 to a guy I knew for less than a year.
I jumped. I fell. But I got back up and found myself further on my journey, thankful that I went for it even when I was scared.
I'm not going to lie, none of it is me. God's the one planning out the path we're walking, we're just following our intuition and doing what He tells us to.
Have we taken some risks that He didn't tell us to? Yes. None of them have worked out. BUT- we've stilled learned something from each and every one.
Have we taken some risks that really felt like HUGE losses at the time? Yes. But wow, did it work out wonderfully in the end.
You see, you can't just believe and you can't just take action, you have to trust that no matter what the temporary outcome is, it's going to work out in the end because you're on your big picture path.
They're all a part of my big picture path. Everything that has happened to me in the past 9 months has confirmed time and time again that I am an investor in XRP, a believer in Ripple and Coil and Cinnamon and a leader in this community, because I was always supposed to be. It's all a part of my journey and every piece, even when I can't see it at first, always fits into the greater picture puzzle. It always ends up making sense. Even the losses, believe it or not, that I've taken in the past 9 months, have lead me to greater experiences, connections and lessons learned.
Are you ready to believe, take action and trust?
xoxo â Ry
White Christmas âď¸
This song is my favorite. Like, it makes my heart skip a beat every time I hear it favorite. My grandmother told me that this was a song my great grandfather used to sing and although I never heard him, it makes my heart smile. Although I'm not a huge fan of Bing Crosby or his life choices, his voice is incredible and always gives me chills!
I hope you enjoy this rendition. â¤ď¸
Amazing Hot Cocoa Recipe đ
I 10000% lucked out with my husband. He is so incredibly supportive, smart, kind and he is an amazing chef! He's constantly concocting yummy creations and is always finding a twist for my cravings!
The other night I asked for hot cocoa with my movie and THIS is what he brought me...
Is that not the most beautiful cup of hot cocoa you've ever seen?! đ
The chocolate is rich and creamy and the marshmallows create a crispy blanket that masks the soft pillowy fluff underneath! I personally prefer marshmallow fluff over whipped cream because it doesn't automatically melt and sticks around for the entire hot cocoa drinking experience.
I had so many friends and followers ask me how he made it, so I thought I would share his creation here on Coil & give you his secret (delicious) recipe that will be sure to *wow your friends and family!*
We hope you have fun making this incredible treat, in a picture of you drinking it!
xoxo â Ry & Dustin
Have A Holly Jolly Christmasđ
Pay It Forward! (12 Ideas)
On this brisk December day, in the midst of the holiday season, I encourage you to find a little room in your heart to pay it forward to someone today. Make someone smile by adding an extra drop of sunshine to their bucket!
This time of year can be really hard. People are mourning friends and family members, or the lives that they once lived or dreamed of living. We say goodbye to expectations or dread the time we have to spend with those who have nothing in common with us other than blood. This time of year holds so much pain, trauma and anxiety. Although we cannot completely alleviate each and every personâs problems and emotions, we can work on making their days better!
Now Iâm not just talking about paying for the person behind you at Starbucks, which is nice and all, but, they were already buying a coffee- why not go out of your way to do something nice for someone who wasnât already planning to do it themselves?
A few ideas:
⥠Put together a few kits for the homeless in your area. Drop them off at shelters or give them out when you meet the right person. These can be stocked with basic toiletries, snacks, a few essential items and maybe even something meaningful to you. Put a little note on it or stick a card in it with local information on how to get help. I know for areas that have a high amount of sex trafficking, a lot of organizations will collect these bags to give out when they send street teams!
⥠Leave a kind note on a sticky at the gas pump for the next patron!
⥠Leave an envelope with a few dollars or a gift card in a public restroom, store, or sidewalk corner. Write a little note on it and encourage that person to have a happy holidays and enjoy a little blessing!
⥠Smile at everyone you come in contact with today!
⥠Strike up a conversation with someone you usually donât slow down to talk to. Ask them about their lives and stay invested in their answer!
⥠Bake something or drop off a sweet treat and note to someone in your neighborhood or building who may need a bit of extra attention. Somewhere in history, our current generations forgot that human nature longs to be known and remembered. Donât forget those around you who donât always have a chance to get out!
⥠Stop by a local church or business and see if there are any children left on their angel trees in need of gifts this holiday season! If you can't find anyone, stop by a local shelter or soup kitchen and see what you can do to help the community!
⥠Stop by your local nursing home or childrenâs hospital with Christmas cards and cookies for the families! (Check on rules and make sure youâre 100% healthy before you go!)
⥠Grab your family and go caroling at a local nursing home, they love to hear the music and especially when you have kids, they love to see the little ones! Visitors always make the patients day. Check with your local home but usually they have no problem with you coming in at a specific time!
⥠Overtip your server or barista today- they need it way more than the person behind you needs you to pay for their coffee!
⥠Donate to the Good Souls Group- support the XRP community and show your support for (currently) 9 different charities!
⥠Brainstorm a few people in your life who need a âsecret santaâ this year! Maybe itâs been a tough year or they just really need a break. Bring them dinner, take their kids to a movie so they can be alone, go pick up some extra groceries- just do whatever you can to make them feel loved and seen!
When doing these things, itâs not about taking pictures to show off what youâre doing or worrying about who might receive whatever youâre putting out there. Itâs about being a light in someone else's world. Trust that your little blessing will reach the exact person that itâs supposed to! You never know how a simple, quick act of kindness could impact someone!
Have a blessed day!
xoxo -Ry
Walking In A Winter Wonderland âď¸
I am counting down the days until I can make my way home back to Michigan and hopefully, fingers crossed, experience a white Christmas! I hope you're enjoying the holiday season wherever you are. â¤ď¸
xoxo â Ry
Create the Life You Want to Live
You have one life.
Are you living it to the fullest?
You have one shot.
Are you letting someone else take it for you?
You have one body.
Are you taking care of it?
You have one mind.
Are you using it?
Life is full of choices. We make thousands every day to decide our well being and the direction that we move in on that particular day. If that's the case, then why is it so dang difficult for us to make decisions that consciously create the life that we desire to live?
We live in a society where most of us rely on a mainstream conveyor belt of decisions to take us where we're supposed to go.
To the guy who goes to college because his parents expect him to and not because he actually wants to and know it will move him further towards his dreams- you're not creating your life.
To the girl who's working her butt off but nothing is happening because she's not taking conscious action towards her goals â you're not creating your life.
To the guy who's working the job simply to support his family and not because it fills his cup financially, emotionally and creatively- you're not creating your life.
To the girl who's staying at home with her kids but feels like there is more out there for her to accomplish, dive deeper â create your life.
We get stuck in this mindset that if we aren't making our desired amount of money right away, that we're going to be miserable. Or that if we disappoint a few people on the path to our dream, we'll spoil it somehow. But have you ever stopped to consider this: wouldn't you make more money long term if you were extremely passionate about and dedicated to your job? Wouldn't it be worth the few months or years of slight financial struggle to consciously create your dream life? Wouldn't your relationships be better because you'd be surrounded by people with similar passions and goals? I'd have to think it would all be worth it for that life.
A lot of people who I've had this exact conversation with often throw at me
And to all of that I say:
I'm calling bullshit.
I know you want this. You know you want this.
I know you think you don't deserve it, but I'm telling you that you do.
Stop living a lie to simply save face.
Stop sitting on your couch dreaming of the life you could live.
Just stop!
Maybe I dream big, but when there's a will, there's a freaking way.
Is it going to maybe require my spouse working or working more to make it work? Yes. But that's not the end of the world and if you're in a healthy relationship, that shouldn't be a problem.
Is it going to take maybe working a temporary 9-5 and then busting my butt for my dream at night until I can make it work? Yes, but it's going to pay off.
Is it going to take cutting down on my shopping and expenses and making sacrifices for the sake of my future? Yes. But wow will it be worth it.
And to the man who once told me that I was young and naive, yes sir, I am young and I have a bright life a head of me. And yes, I am certainly naive, leaving me with more time and creativity to produce an amazing life that fills my cup rather than worrying about all the things that can go wrong!
You see a trend?
I'm calling out all of the excuses.
I get it, some of the excuses are real and super scary to face, but do you want to die and be remembered as the guy who settled for the life he didn't truly love or the guy who went for it and had a blast on the ride there?
We don't get a 2nd try. We don't get to the end of our life and get to try again with different circumstances. The time to live is now and if you would stop worrying about what your family is going to think of you for putting your family in a tight financial position for a few months, simply to spend time on making the long term dream happen, you'd freaking make it happen! If you stopped questioning if you were capable, you'd have already proven that you were!
Plans are good, yes, I'm the queen of planning. But guess what, my plans NEVER work out, like ever. But when I feel the call and urge to take action on something that I feel in my gut is going to move me a step further towards my goals and I do it, it always works out. Not because what I did was extraordinary or physically worked out per-say, but because I trusted my intuition, I trusted God. I did what I was supposed to do and it either literally worked out or something better came along in that process that made it all worth it and moved me even closer to my goal than I would've been if I had planned it out and done it at a different time.
I see some of you hyping up people so hard on Coil, Cinnamon and Twitter, but yet you're so scared to hype yourself up. You want to get off the conveyor belt and live an extraordinary life, but you're not focusing on strengthening your health and skills enough to make that jump.
If that works for you, great, that's kind of a crappy way to live, but if you really can't garner enough confidence I bet you probably didn't even make it this far in the article and if you did, I've probably REALLY triggered you.
Are you triggered?
Are you convicted?
Do you feel personally attacked?
Good. That means I'm pressing some buttons that desperately need to be pressed.
You need to believe in yourself and you need to jump off of the damn conveyor belt and you need to live a life that scares you and fills your cup and makes you rise to the best possible version of yourself!
I believe in you. I wouldn't show up today and say all of this if I didn't. I believe you are so talented and so capable and you are being called to live a life that is bigger than you.
Will you answer it?
Check back tomorrow to read about how to take action to consciously create that life. It's one thing for me to tell you to jump off the conveyor built, but it would be a shame if I pushed you without a parachute! đ
xoxo â Ry
Santa Baby (with a twist?)
Life Update: Infertility
Infertility is hard, regardless of how long youâve been walking the path. I know I typically talk about business and music, but I wanted to share a little bit about what's been going on behind the scenes and hopefully encourage some of you who may be on the same path that we are right now.
Dustin and I started trying pretty much immediately after we got married and within a month I was pregnant. Just a few weeks later though, I had a miscarriage. I knew it was going to happen when I first found out, I have a very strong intuition and I just knew that baby wasnât going to be mine to hold in this lifetime. These past 7 months have been very hard since. My body hasnât been working correctly, Iâve felt at the end of my rope most days. Iâve been made to feel guilty because we havenât been walking the path as long and Iâve felt all types of jealousy for those who didnât have to walk it. Iâve cried at baby showers, Iâve yelled at God, Iâve laid in bed depressed. Iâve had panic attacks at everything I was reading- pregnancy seems impossible when you look it up FYI, school did NOT prepare us. Worst of all, Iâve blamed myself a lot. The world around us has instilled an idea into our brains that if you arenât getting pregnant immediately, there is something wrong with you or your partner or that youâre not doing a good enough job taking care of yourself. The second we see that first negative test or feel the cramps start to come on, we burst into tears and we get angry with ourselves because we feel like weâve failed.
Jealousy- itâs all normal and quite frequent in this community. That feeling you get when someone post in the forum with a positive test and announces theyâre joining the ânew mama to beâ group- you feel jealous.
When your cousin announces their third baby is on the way, you feel jealous.
When you friend gets pregnant and they were nowhere near ready, you get jealous.
When that random girl on Instagram that youâve never met but follow religiously announces that theyâve been âtrying really hardâ for a month and theyâre pregnant, itâs hard not to roll your eyes and feel angry and jealous.
Although I do believe that social media has helped the struggle with infertility not feel as isolating, I believe itâs also doing a bit of harm.
Let me explain with the pros and cons of there being a space on social media for the fertility journey...
1. It exposes you to other peopleâs stories and journeys so that you donât feel so alone.
2. It provides explanations for things you didnât even realize could possibly be the problem behind symptoms (this is a double edged sword, Iâll explain later).
3. It connects you with specialists and doctors who can give advice and opinions and make the unknown feel a little less scary.
4. There is a massive group of people who are there to give you advice and support. (This is also a double edged sword.)
1. It connects us to other peopleâs stories and problems. Like I said this is a double edged sword. First of all, when walking into these groups we usually forget to take into consideration that infertility rates are skyrocketing for several reasons.
WE HAVE to take these things into consideration when walking into groups, forums, accounts and apps. You cannot walk in and read every story without these things in the back of your mind. If you do, you will lose it. You will absolutely lose it. You wonât focus on improving you and your partners lifestyle, rather you will start to freak out and think that every problem that somebody else has effects you. This snowballs and suddenly you feel like the world is against you and your unborn child. You will start to get extremely anxious, depressed and you will question everything. This is so bad for your fertility. Stress is not good for your body and I get it, when someone tells you that it makes it even worse because how could you not be stressed when you and your partner obviously have all of the problems that everyone has ever reported that they have?!
2. Although health plays a big part, mindset is right up there with it.
The more you tell yourself that youâre never going to get pregnant and that everybody is getting what you want and you'll never get that, the longer itâs going to take you. Iâm saying all of this because although Iâm not pregnant yet, Iâm working on my own mindset shift of constantly comparing and living in fear. Rather, focusing on good things, how amazing it will be when the timing IS right for Dustin and I to become parents and how I can best take care of myself in the meantime to support our future child(ren).
If you spend all day reading other peopleâs stories and getting discouraged about what didnât work for them, youâre going to start taking that on as your own and thatâs not your burden to carry. You have to walk your own journey where you are and take it one day at a time. Is it fair that there are girls out there who are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat or without trying very long or without wanting it at all? No. Itâs not fair. *Not at all.* But thatâs not how theyâre wired. Thatâs not what theyâre thinking about or how they operate, so no matter when they did get pregnant, it would have always been like that. The timing was right for them and it happened how it happened because it was always supposed to happen that way.
What about the women who go through a semi long journey but as soon as it's over they act like getting pregnant wasnât even that hard and you just feel left behind? Let me explain- for the sake of this analogy I will use the âa watched pot never boilsâ phrase. I hate that phrase and trust me, if someone said this to me right now Iâd probably slap them, but itâs the best way to describe what Iâm trying to say. When youâre making homemade soup and youâve got all of the ingredients chopped up and ready to go, but youâre waiting on the water to boil to put it all in, youâre going to stand there. And stand there. And stand there. And stand there. Youâre going to get frustrated because it seems to be taking forever and then one of two things will happen.
1. You will either get bored or fed up and you will pull out your phone and before you know it, itâll be boiling and time to put it all in.
2. You will stand there getting angrier and angrier until itâs time to put everything in.
Either way, the pot is going to boil and itâll be time, regardless of your attitude. Once you put the meat and veggies in, youâll walk away and forget you were ever upset.
The woman that's been trying for a few months and then gets pregnant but forgets about those going through the journey. It happens for them, with different attitudes, but it happens.
The woman who âaccidentallyâ gets pregnant and doesn't even have it on their radar. That girl puts the water on and walks away to her next task and eventually runs in to find it boiling over.
The woman who is trying and trying and trying but it never feels like it's going to happen. This woman is watching that pot and is doing everything in their power to make it boil faster. They're turning up the heat, staring that pot down, grumbling and yelling at it to go faster, but at the end of the day, itâs going to happen when itâs supposed to happen and they're just going to have to wait.
and finally..
The woman who is going through the whole process but her pot never boils. They come to find out the stove is broken and then the electricity goes out and then the house catches on fire and itâs really just impossible, it wonât ever happen. What about her?
I think often times it becomes very easy for us to slip into the mindset that we need to worry about becoming woman #4. I mean you could. You could totally freak out and you could act like the house is in flames, even though it isnât.
You could act like itâs never going to happen, even though you have no idea if thatâs true or not. You could make yourself even more stressed and anxious and take yourself off the path of having a healthy mindset and a positive outlook.
When you get back to the roots and remind yourself that the journey is supposed to be fun and that life goes on with or without a baby and happiness doesnât rely on having said baby, you are able to relax. Youâre able to not focus on the pot but to focus on what the outcome is when the soup as a whole is ready. Ok, Iâm done with the soup analogy. đ My point is, when you stop focusing on all of the bad things that could happen, youâll be able to relax and actually improve your chances even more while living a happier and more fulfilled life.
3. You assume that someone elseâs time is supposed to be your time. This is the worst part about being on social media. For example, I had a girl I was following a few months back. I loved her content and she was super sweet. Right around the time that I convinced myself I was pregnant for the third time this year, she announced she was pregnant. At first I was so excited, weâd be walking this journey together, it would be perfect. But then my test came back negative. And then I got two more negatives and I unfollowed her. I was angry, like throw my phone across the room angry. Did I have a valid reason to be angry? Nope. Did I take it out on her? Thankfully no, instead I just unfollowed her because I knew it would be too painful for me to watch her go through this process when I was mourning the loss of my baby from earlier this year and I wanted it so bad now.
In my head, it was like God was taking a wand and walking in circles around me, sprinkling baby dust on everyone but me. It hurt and I think thatâs where some of my resentment towards God about the whole situation really started to creep in. Thatâs a whole other spiral I could talk about, but I think it would be more beneficial to segway into where Iâm at now and how I got there. But first I have to mention, that through the mindset work that Iâve been doing that Iâll talk about later, Iâve come to the realization and Iâm actively trying to embrace the concept that it was her time. It wasnât my time, it was hers and millions of other women around the world. I canât get mad at her because God said it was time for her to have a child. I canât get mad at her because I have no clue what her journey has been. Thatâs the thing about social media, even if you didnât know a couple was trying and it looks like they just got pregnant without a second thought, they couldâve been on this journey just as long or longer than you have. And with that said, even though it make feel like it, especially in groups and forums, itâs not a competition. Itâs not about how fast you can get pregnant.
Instead, if youâre really looking at life and trying to live it to the fullest and the happiest that you can, you should really start slowing down. I want to talk about this in another post, but Iâve spent my entire life rushing. I have made sacrifices on major life things and I didnât get to enjoy them or live them to the fullest because I didnât STOP or SLOW DOWN to enjoy them. I look back on them and although I wouldnât change a thing, because I wouldnât be where I am now, I wish I had more and better memories of those milestones.
This journey isnât easy, I feel jealous still, I still get angry and frustrated, but at least Iâm not bitter. I am on several apps and in several groups where women share their TTC (Trying to Conceive) stories and issues and like I said, I try not to spend too much time on them, but when I do, I see a lot of bitterness. I see a lot of women trying to sabotage and ruin other womenâs joy and break them down in the process; like one persons pregnancy can be stolen and given to another woman- itâs ridiculous. I see women telling other women that their positive test is probably negative and not to be happy because all pregnancies end in hell and sadness. I see women telling other women that they need to âget over itâ when they have a miscarriage, theyâve âhad 4â and so until they've experienced as much pain as they have, to stop crying. Iâve seen women tell other women that they havenât been on the path long enough and to ignore any symptoms or signs that thereâs something wrong because theyâre probably fine and then proceed to tell their story and make the post about them. That saddens me, greatly. Why should one womanâs pain cause anotherâs? Why canât these communities simply be uplifting and helpful? If I had a penny for every âlol this is stupidâ or âomg get over itâ that Iâve read in comments, Iâd be rich, seriously. Anyways, with that being said, I get jealous and sad yes, but I realize that the bitterness and taking it out on others isnât the way to go.
Recently I was perusing YouTube for videos on infertility, the chances of recurrent miscarriages and to try and find some answers about what my body has been doing lately- I know itâs not a doctor, but I canât get into a clinic until February, so until then itâs Doctor Google and YouTube for me! While scrolling I came across a woman doing a tapping and meditation exercise mantra for infertility- it was super helpful and calming so I decided to dive deeper. I found a woman who is an infertility specialist and Reiki Master who was explaining a lot about the mental aspect of trying to have a baby. Her words resonated with me and you can click on this link for the video, but I wanted to talk about a few common themes and takeaways that I got from both videos.
The more that you acknowledge that and focus on that, the better off it will be. The incessant tracking, freaking out about the technicalities of DPO an and over analyzing every little twinge and feeling in your body sucks the life out of you. Yes itâs hard to avoid all of that, but for the first year especially, until your doctor has told you there is something wrong and gives you instructions to track certain symptoms, body temperatures, times, emotions, hormones, when the moon is out, etc., trying not to think about it. For every time you want to research your symptoms, watch a video about someoneâs birth story or pregnancy. Get excited about the prospect of having a child and surround yourself with positive and uplifting thoughts and images pertaining to it. Every time you want to complain about everyone around you getting pregnant, talk to your partner and dream about how itâs going to feel when you have that baby and about all of the fun parts about being parents. My point: focus on whatâs going to be amazing, have fun and stop watching the freaking pot incessantly.
...about everything youâre feeling. People get excited when they think you might, possibly, could, even just a bitty bit be pregnant. Every month you COULD be pregnant. Stop putting yourself through that. Because the day that AF shows up, youâre NOT going to want to text all of your friends and the lady from the grocery store to tell them that you are in fact, not pregnant this month. It hurts and it gets you in a bad habit of focusing on the âpotâ and trying to change everything youâre doing. It dawned on me the other day that when we talk to people about everything and get all of these peopleâs opinions, âtipsâ and âtricksâ and we keep trying to change methods and change up what weâre doing to actually try to get pregnant, we might mess things up even more without realizing it. Trusting your gut, staying consistent and keeping it simple is really the way to go. Obviously if your doctor has you on something specifically, thatâs great. But worrying about random times of the day, drinking your friends âbaby smoothieâ or loading up on 18,000 different types of vitamins that everyone and their mama âswears byâ is just going to stress you out and makes things more difficult.
One thing thatâs been really helping me to maintain a better mindset about this whole process is writing and speaking affirmations. Itâs not a woo woo thing- itâs seriously a mindset thing and I, as a Christian, am using it and itâs a way for me to thank God for my current blessings. I use affirmations during meditation to pray and put my mind in a positive place. If you donât believe in God, you can still use affirmations, thereâs tons of resources online for that!
I start off by writing them in the morning and then I say them throughout the day, especially when I get anxious. I will tap and say them â Iâll link a video for tapping here, which is great for anxiety & stress.
Iâm with yaâll. I get it. I know how hard walking this journey is. Male, female- both sides feel the pain differently but itâs still there and itâs still evident. I feel like everyone has to go through some of the hurt and stages that I discussed above before getting to a good place, if they ever get there. I canât tell you how long this will even last for me, I hope long term, but I donât know. Time will only tell. Weâre going on 9 months of trying and Iâm getting frustrated. I wonât lie. Itâs been 7 months since our miscarriage and I really thought Iâd be pregnant again by now. Iâm not sure how these next few months will play out, usually youâre supposed to get checked after a year of things not working, but Iâve decided to go in a little bit earlier because of my miscarriage. My appointment will be just a week after I wouldâve had our first baby, so I know thatâs going to be emotional, but Iâm trying to stay positive. Iâve really had a lot more joy in my heart the past few days as Iâve embraced these affirmations. Being on this journey, especially with Dustin by my side is exciting, wait or no wait.