Tear down the wall
“In perfect isolation,
Here behind my wall.
Waiting for the worms to come...”
Pink Floyd – Waiting For The Worms To Come – The Wall
How are we all holding up, gang? Doing well I hope.
Although it's tough to define 'well' at the moment, isn't it?
Mind and body perfectly balanced? Employed? Getting all your vitamins? Socially active? Financially sound?
Yeah right!
I think most of us would count our blessings to be COVID-19 free for now. Anything else is a bonus. This year has taken its toll on us all and it's been tough just getting by – and that means something different for all of us. I don't see anyone I know doing well on all fronts.
For me, the pandemic and all the associated feelings that has brought with it has felt very much like a wall.
It's ever-present and right in my face. A constantly shifting set of rules infringing on my life, causing boredom, fatigue, fear and an acute sense of uncertainty about the future.
I've learned and unlearned new routines. I've lived and worked in the same space for seven months.
I've managed a few family meals out when the restaurants opened back up. There have been some glimpses of normality.
I even made it abroad – socially distancing my way around Majorca in July, sneaking through a narrow window of opportunity.
I've exercised on and off – my running routine has been inconsistent at best.
My kids are back at school – for how long, no one knows – I'm thankful for every day they spend there, knowing it could be interrupted at any time. It feels like they've really been through the mincer these last few months.
“We Don't Need No Education” sang a choir of kids in Pink Floyd's “A Brick In The Wall” – try 6 months at home during a global pandemic
Lockdown, autumn in the city
UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has indicated that COVID-19 isn't going away any time soon, it's something we need to learn to live with, and we should prepare ourselves for at least another 6 months of restrictions, as we ease in and out of lockdown.
My home city, Liverpool, is likely heading for the toughest-level UK restrictions after this weekend – and I'm preparing myself to feel that invisible wall closing in again.
But I feel better equipped to deal with it this time – and here's why...
I was directed to this excellent Twitter thread by Dr Aisha Ahmad
https://twitter.com/ProfAishaAhmad/status/1307697965260328961?s=20
To summarise, Dr Ahmad works under crisis conditions and has experience of following lockdown-style restrictions. She says she always, like clockwork, hits a wall after 6 months in a disaster zone.
The desire to run away and make it stop is intense, but this is a global pandemic, and there is nowhere to run.
The wall arrives and dissipates of its own accord. We need to trust that our walls will come and go in the same way over the course of however long this goes on for.
The important thing is to recognise them for what they are, acknowledge that our successes might not be the big achievements we hoped, and that self-care during these periods is paramount.
Small steps, big wins
I'm trying to take Dr Ahmad's advice.
It feels like an effort to fulfil the basic requirements of life at the moment – and as much as I want to carry on creating, the spark that drives what I do is not as strong right now. It is only bright fleetingly, like a light bulb dipping during a power surge.
I'm calling it a win today that I managed to write this post.
I'm definitely calling it a win that I roughed up Herb Gimbels real good in my recent comic series. I thought some of you might think I was going a bit crazy – making a series of drawings about having a fight with a vending machine. It's not mainstream content, is it?
Have no fear – I'm good. I just felt the spark coming down the cable and rode it til it petered out.
I'm taking regular breaks from social media and from blogging. It's nice to disconnect sometimes.
The temptation is to try and use these tricks, hints, tips and devices to break through the wall – I know that's what I tried to do. And it didn't work for me. And when that didn't work, I felt like I was in a tough place.
In hindsight, I can see the wall for what it was. I know sometimes it'll come back and be right there, and sometimes I'll see it in the distance.
I guess that's all we can do right now – see the wall – hiding in plain sight. And when the time comes – when the restrictions are lifted, and we can plan our lives more than a few days in advance...
get ready to tear it down.