TENET: a review [no spoilers]

Well, maybe one or two. Or maybe a sniff of a spoiler. Come on, stick with me, it'll be fine.

Let me start at the beginning.

And by the beginning, I mean the end.

Which is really the beginning.

The beginning is kind of the middle.

Still with me? Good. That's not a spoiler by the way. At least I don't think it is. You know, now that I think about it, I'm really not sure....

I'm a little disorientated as it goes. I can't quite tell if I'm coming or going. I'm still trying to make sense of what I saw. Let me talk it through and maybe we'll get somewhere together.

The plot

The Protagonist (John David Washington) is on the trail of Russian criminal Andrei Sator (Kenneth Branagh). A man who has become extremely wealthy, powerful and knowledgeable because he has found irradiated material that has the power to invert time. And a way to communicate between the past and the future.

You're either already asleep, or you think that sounds pretty exciting. Me? I was positively salivating.

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The director

Before I go any further, let me just step outside the review briefly here – I want to talk about Christopher Nolan for a second.

No mate, I don't know what's going on either. Just show me that footage of shooting those guns in reverse.... Hmmm. Looks quite good.

A – Some people genuinely enjoy Christopher Nolan films – and that's fine, whatever floats your boat. Different strokes for different folks, right? It's a safe space, no judgement here.

B – Some people think it's a good look for them to say that they enjoy Christopher Nolan films, riding high on the wunderkind's coat-tails.

At parties, where people try to look like they know about film – Nolan's filmography is often a go to topic and fawning over his alleged genius is a common act to witness out in the wild.

C – Some people know it's bordering on heresy, but are still critical of Nolan – and it's easy to swot up on the right beats to hit to get through one of those conversations too.

Blah blah blah poorly drawn female characters. Blah blah blah atrocious sound design. Blah blah blah too cerebral – mystifies his audience. Blah blah blah skirts around the same themes in most of his films – is it a heist? Is it a non-linear structure playing with the concept of time? Is it a Christopher Nolan film? Ah, so it is!

For transparency, I have, at one time or other, belonged to one of those groups. I am currently languishing in group C – the Nolangers.

I'll eternally be grateful to him for taking back Gotham City, but I Nolanger believe in Christopher Nolan.

I just wanted to explain where I stood for the sake of transparency.

The cast were terrific (Robert Pattinson has come so far from being a moody, glittery teenage vampire – I can't wait to see what he brings to Batman next year). Nolan can shoot action scenes with the best of them. It looks gorgeous. When it did make sense to me, it was excellent. The pacing was great, and I was never less than totally engaged throughout.

Now let me tell you where my train of delight started to derail.

The rules

You don't have long in a movie to establish the universe within which a film is set. And the rules that apply to it.

Watching Tenet, I felt like I needed a science major to get my head around the rules. In fact – the rules are explained by Clemence Poesy's scientist and Robert Pattinson's English spy, Neil (who has a Masters in Physics, we're told).

Do you know what's going on yet? Nope – but do you like my scarf?

There are frequent meta-references in the script to the complexity of the rules that feel like they're thrown out for the audience to cling to. A scene full of exposition will often be followed by a “yeah, it's complicated – just go with it” type of throwaway line.

And to a degree, you can “just go with it”. Pause the expectation to truly understand what you're watching and Tenet can be a worthwhile experience.

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But I'm of the opinion that the audience should be able to follow the story and understand why things are happening at particular times – and flat out, that's just not possible.

To further compound things, silence is a rarity in the film, and often – when you need to listen most carefully, Nolan cranks the volume up – or places the characters behind masks. Think Bane in Dark Knight Rises all over again.

The implementation of the rules is poor – and that weakens the world-building element of the film.

The verdict

Would I see Tenet again? I think I would.

I was entertained, even when I was thinking – this is insane, I have very little idea what's going on.

Nolan's biggest defenders shout how his films warrant repeated viewing and I agree – there are layers of understanding to be peeled back in a great deal of his back catalog.

What I think is key here is that viewers shouldn't need to watch a film multiple times in order to understand the plot that drives it.

It feels like Nolan has gone into this effects first and thought – this would make for some really cool set-pieces – now how do we think up some hokey plot to explain how bullets move backwards into guns? Get to it, story monkeys!

Any clearer yet? Yes – I'm about to tell you what's going on, but someone's playing some really loud music...Chris? Chris?

I saw someone on Twitter say that Nolan has no obligation to ensure any level of understanding on behalf of the viewer. And I agree with that – it's impossible to know how any film will be received. It's a transactional process, isn't it?

I understand Nolan's desire to challenge viewers, to make them think. I'm all for that – that's my type of film. But to make people think because important dialogue is buried in the sound mix? Because the exposition is muddled and complex? Unforgivable.

That's not the type of mental stimulation I had in mind.

There's a lot to like about Tenet, and a healthy opening weekend haul of $53M suggests it's brought a lot of cinema-goers back. Providing it's done as safely as possible, it's another step closer to getting the world back to normal.

But ultimately, all I have for you is a word: bonkers.

So, let me get this straight... The bullet that made this hole hasn't been fired yet? Can someone call my agent, please?