I used to speak out the conversations in my head again and again so that I could have the best versions of those conversations when I actually spoke with you. Well as best as I could possibly hope them to be. But now they remain like the unsent drafts that only keep playing in my head because you are no longer willing to be a part of conversations with me. I could say I cherish all the great conversations I've had (being already a little unfair to myself that I would ignore my own attempts at making the numerous rehearsed attempts) but why should I really care if all that mattered to you was that one single moment that my weakness got the better of me? Yes I have trusted you to have equal rights in this friendship but when does that give you rights to forfeit mine at your convenience and keep me feeling like something I gotta strive for. You never had to. When all these years mean nothing then how can I let those memories of the building of trust stay so fondly in me as it gnaws in me with the same depth as it bonded into me? I do not care how much I hurt anyone ever because I lash back as much as I feel the pain I'm dealt. I do not stand betrayal and I don't care how trivial it is or how unimportant I might have become to you. No one takes my right away in the trust I put in the chosen few I call my friends.