Disclaimer: These things might not and probably won't apply to all trans folks, but are mostly small things cis folks might want to have in the back of their minds.

Consider helping them when it's time to pay for something.

Why?

I haven't changed my name. I'm in the process, but it's not done yet. Many trans folks likely will be in positions where they haven't either. Especially when trying to present as our preferred gender, getting deadnamed at checkout is an quick way to get outed. For at least me personally, It bothers me more than I think cis folks would realize. My deadname not only isn't me, but signals the gender I was assigned at birth, and effectively outs me.

What can I do?

Offer to pay and have them pay you back. Offer for them to borrow your card if they need to. Remind them or lend them cash if they can use that to pay.

Comfort them when it's time to do something in public.

Why?

Many trans folks are still in the process of transitioning, and even when they are further along, the feelings of dysphoria, social anxiety, and presenting in general can be incredibly overwhelming. As a trans woman myself, it gets exhausting very quickly to go out and present in public. Remember that every instance of public presentation for us is an opportunity for being misgendered, being othered, and being outed. Those are all very real and unnerving fears, on top of a looming threat of general trans hate.

What can I do?

Make sure if you're going to do something in public with them that you ensure they are comfortable, and that it is okay to say they don't want to go. If it's something that's necessary for them to do, try your best to comfort them and ensure that you are around them. If they are going out alone, make sure to offer to go with them if they want you to. Ask them how they are doing, try to watch them for social cues.

Don't bring up transition stuff with them.

Why?

Transitioning is already a very long process and it looks different for everyone, and we have to deal with this as just a part of our life. It's always something that's weighing on us and isn't always something we're comfortable or in the mood to talk about. Transitioning is not a dinner table conversation to casually bring up.

What can I do?

Always, always let them bring up transitioning first. If they feel like talking about it, they will talk about it. Having a trans individual speak with you on their transition is something that you should treat as a sign of trust, not something you can speak with them openly.

Celebrate trans things with them and not for them.

Why?

Often I've had some folks close to me bring attention to things like someone using my preferred pronouns when addressing me for the first time, or using a gendered term properly. This is incorrect behavior because it passively reinforces the concept of cisnormativity in your mind and it invalidates what there was to celebrate in the first place. Please understand that you are bringing attention to something that we not only likely noticed already, but that bringing attention to it reinforces the idea that it is something that needs to be pointed out as “better than the normal” behavior rather than treated like it should be the normal behavior. Something as small as using correct pronouns or ignoring a deadname isn't something to be celebrated, but expected. When you celebrate it, you perpetuate the wrong idea of things.

What can I do?

If they want to celebrate something, they will bring it up. Let trans individuals be excited for their own victories in the way they want to be, because they will want to tell you when they're happy for something or proud of it. Instead of bringing attention to something, let them be the ones to do so, that way you can be happy with them.

Please don't record them without asking first.

Why?

First of all, taking pictures of anyone should always be done after consent is clearly given. Second, many trans folks (during their transition especially) can have unwanted pictures of them be a source of extreme dysphoria. Seeing unflattering angles of us or seeing ourselves in ways that we aren't quite comfortable with forces us to confront the reality of our situations in an instant. Additionally, for one reason or another, many folks are very uncomfortable with their own voice. Therefore, hearing it in a recording can also be a source of extreme dysphoria.

What can I do?

Ask for permission before taking any pictures, video, or audio recordings. It's that simple, and don't when they say no.

Closing Thoughts

I'm incredibly open to criticism or suggestions on any of this, so if you have any issues or want to make any suggestions on something to add, remove, or edit, please feel free to send me a message either on Mastodon at @shadow8t4@vulpine.club or any of the other contacts listed on my info site at info.werefox.dev/contacts. 💙

You all are incredibly valid.

Trans Rights Are Human Rights.

Black Trans Lives Matter.