Slow Burn
Paper journal entry dated May 16, 2018
Man, these hipsters sure know how to depress a bitch.
Switch station to “Akon Radio”, where ballin', working hard, and taking pride in your talents are flaunted. No whining. No fucks given. Just what I need right now.
Trying to reconnect with people who make me happy. I'm blinded by powerful love.
It's absolutely true that love and loyalty will make you ignore all the bad and only see the good in people. And sometimes people know that and take advantage of this love.
For a little “insult to injury”, they'll also take advantage of your willingness and desire to forgive.
Well, it's immoral, disgusting, and it hurts.
First, there's realization. Then rage sets in. Then it's just plain hatred and avoidance.
Loyalty is absolute, then it evaporates into nothingness. There is no in-between. A nuclear bomb unleashed in a lush forest.
There is no slow burn.
My ability to forgive is boundless, but my willingness to give of myself and my limited minutes on this earth has clear limits.
Those limits depend on love. How intense it is.
Its intensity will cause me to hold my fire for one more precious day. My heart softens, my weapon lowers, and I march back into war unarmed. A little less trusting.
It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
To have had the bliss of the feeling is worth the humiliation, confusion, loss, and shattered sense of self.
So here we are.