The Last of Us

It really is an honor to be asked by a friend to stand up at the altar with them on their wedding day. Even more so when they are confident (and trusting) enough in your ability to write a welcome speech for the ceremony. I'll never admit to them the fear that grew in me with each step down the aisle. One step closer to having to open my mouth and spew forth the words I wrote with them in mind. Would it be funny enough? Would it be meaningful enough that they will want a copy to read on their anniversary? Of course they and everyone else in the audience who already knew me were prepared for something witty sprinkled with deep thoughts. I nailed it of course, managed to exit, and shotgun a beer with a Groomsman I thought was attractive enough to avoid eye contact with until I was drunk.

But even through all of that there was still one thought lingering in my head: I'm the last one.

The last of my close friends to finish school.

The last of my close friends to leave their parents house.

The last one to find a partner that is worth going through the theatrics of marriage all for the sake of love and the chance at a new KitchenAid mixer.

Do I even want the latter? It seems like a lot of work for little reward and financial losses. But what do I know. It isn't like I have been in love with someone before. Love seems to make people do weird, uncharacteristic things and I don't want that. I know who I am and who I want to become so why would I let someone into my life who is going to make more changes than what I have already prepared myself for?

The risk of being wrong about a partner also weighs heavy when trying to decide if married life is something I want. I had to spend all this money to legally tie myself to someone, and now I have to spend more money to legally split? I like just being able to say “fuck off” and that be the end of it.

a cynical view? yeah. But it is how I feel after watching all my friends do it. Don't even get me started on kids.