theminduntangled

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have...” – Bob Marley

What is being strong all about, really?

How can you be strong when you get hurt over and over? Or when you've been faced with something you never thought could happen to you?

Laying in bed, late at night, you hope not to be interrupted as your thoughts keep racing through your mind. You think of the hurt and the pain you have been through, as you try to push those feelings behind. You try to focus on the now and what you have right in front of you, but somehow, the same questions come to you – what could you have changed? What could you have done differently? Why did that happen? Why did you think that way?

As you cradle your knees up against your chest, choking on your sobs, hoping no one will hear you...hoping no one will see you...you remind yourself that you have everything you need. You remind yourself that you have everything you could ever want. You are loved. You are surrounded by amazing people now, you are going to be okay...

Here's the thing – everyone experiences something at some point in their lives that they had no idea they could ever overcome. If you are faced with hurt and pain or sorrow, you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you deserve happiness and are worthy of happiness. You have to believe that you are a fighter, and you can pull through. There is a quote by Vince Lombardi – “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Never, EVER quit!!!

Emotionally, mentally, physically – you may feel like giving up. You may think that you just can't take anymore. You are tired, and you have no energy. These are all feelings, and it's okay to feel that way – you are not the only one. BUT, you need to find yourself. You need to find the strength and the courage within to keep pushing forward, because only you can make you happy. You cannot rely on other people to make you happy, and you cannot compare your life to those of others, because you just don't know what other people are going through. What matters is that you take care of yourself first, so that you can be content, happy, and enjoy the life you have either with yourself or others.

Definition of Change: make or become different

Well, this is me, and “My mind says: OMG – what have I done?!” and “Then after, it calms down and says: okay – it's not THAT bad...”

I was sick of looking at my hair in different shades of black, brown, red, and blonde, so I said – forget it – just go back to black, and be done!! Besides, Halloween is coming up, right?!

But as I looked at the vision starting back at me in the mirror, I thought to myself, STOP listening to the negative thoughts in your head and just do it!! It's fine, and if not, then it will have to do because at the end of the day, I have to do something that makes ME feel good inside!!

I don't know how many times I've been “scared” about change. I must have moved at least 10 times in my lifetime. Divorced. Remarried. Decisions for the kids. Lost friendships. Job decisions. The list adds up...I mean, how do we know if change is a good thing for us or not?

But, I have realized that making a change in anything you do, can always be a good thing, period. If you are not happy where you are at, then just do something that will help you to be happy, even if it's small.

I remember a time when I was working full time – three kids a year apart (under the age of three), a single mom, going through divorce and custody, trying to make ends meet – and a colleague saying to me – “You're SUPERWOMAN!!” He had asked me how I did it, and my answer was, “I am not Superwoman. I am just a mom. I am me. And I just do it”.

Seven years later, I rummage through old pictures and videos, and I laugh. I cry. I remember. The memories. The good times, and yes, the bad ones too.

It's crazy because you get into a position where you wonder how you are going to make it through. How you are going to survive. As a single mom, you ask yourself, “will anyone ever love me again?” As a person losing their vision, you ask yourself, “why in the world would anyone ever want to love someone losing their vision and living with anxiety?! How will I survive?” Oh boy, did those thoughts just cloud my mind, over and over.

BUT, over the years, I learned that it didn't matter. I learned that my “issues” don't define me, and that in general – any person with a disability should not be ashamed and/or shamed for their challenges and/or disability. The fact is, we are loved and appreciated for who we are and for the person we are inside. We should not be judged upon for our differences, and we should not be so judgemental towards others. We all deal with something in our lives, and that's just the way it is. It is not something you just “notice” by looking at someone, and if you don't know their history, then who are you to judge?

I am fortunate that I met someone who loves me. Someone who accepts me and my children, just as I do him and his children. I am fortunate and grateful to have great family support, and the few friendships that I can say are real.

**ADJUST. ACCEPT. TRUST. LOVE.**

As time moves forward...

We learn to adjust.

We learn to accept.

We learn to trust.

And we learn to love.

As time continues to move forward, we learn from our past and we learn to let the walls down, just being grateful for what we have right in front of us.

”The people who want to stay in your life will always FIND A WAY.”

There comes a point in life when you have to let some people go, but at the end of the day, the people who WANT to stay, who will listen and understand and be whatever you want them to be with you (happy, sad, crazy...) – they WILL stay. They will FIND a way to stay because you mean that much to them.

Yes, we get busy with life. Yes, some people have kids, a career that takes a lot of their time, and some people sometimes just need some alone time – however – the people who stay, are the people who “get it”. These are the people we need to be surrounded by. Keep them close, and let them know that their presence means the world to you! ❤️

It seems like it comes and goes, and we can’t control our thoughts at times. Sad thoughts. Angry thoughts. Worrisome thoughts.

I can count numerous times where I have let anxiety control my thoughts and emotions. Wanting to just hide in my room for the day, and not do anything. Not talk to anyone, and just be by myself.

But, the thing is, with children in my life, I knew I couldn’t let this happen. I know it can’t happen, because I have to be strong for them. I have to teach them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel…

So what have I done? What do I do? I breathe. I relax. I take a time out for myself, and yes, I do cry sometimes. It’s OKAY to cry, I tell myself. It’s okay because it means I care, and I want to be the person who my kids can look up to as a strong person. I don’t want to be a burden on them, or anyone for that matter.

So, I take my steps. They may be baby steps, but as long as I keep working my way up, then I’ve done the best I can. And you know what? Anyone can do it!!

If you are someone who has anxiety, don’t let people say that you have issues, leading you to believe that you do have issues. You don’t! The fact is, everyone is dealing with something in their life, whether big or small. And anxiety can be overwhelming at times, in different ways. But it does not mean you are a horrible person. It does not mean that you don’t have feelings. You are handling a situation the best way you know how.

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

– Charles Spurgeon

An amazing quote, and so much truth.

Anxiety is real, and it sucks.

BUT, it can be controlled, if you take control…

Some of my writing:

Fear. Anxiety.

So powerful. So persistent.

Are you letting them control you?

Fear of what you see, and of what you hear?

Fear of what you experience, and of what you have experienced?

And the fear of what is yet to come?

Negative thoughts. Negative feelings.

Whether created by other people or every day stresses.

Will cause you to lose control of your inner self.

You are screaming so loud inside, but nothing comes out.

Fearful that if something is said, it is the wrong thing.

At the wrong time.

Remember to breathe.

Breathe in and out.

Easier said than done, yes.

BUT, it has to be done.

For your own sake.

You need to take control.

Before you lose yourself, and those close to you.

What is it? Your mind is racing like crazy? In every direction?

“There’s so much to do.”

“What have I done wrong?”

“Why did they say that? Why are they doing this to me?”

These are just thoughts. You can stop it.

Control it. Block it. Breathe.

“Stop shaking. Don’t panic. Stop.I need fresh air. I need sleep.”

More thoughts. Control it. Block it. Breathe.

“Could I have done something different?”

“Could I have changed their ways, or mine?”

Again, control the thoughts. Block them. Breathe.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Take a moment and look around.

There are people around you who love you, and who want to help.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any” – Alice Walker

This quote here, is one I came across a few years ago. And the picture, I took while out for a drive. I just loved the way the house was standing there all alone, in the sunset.

All I could imagine was, solitude and peace.

At that time, I was feeling power-LESS, and I couldn’t stop all the questions going through my mind. My anxiety started to kick in. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I would “hide” and ask myself all the questions as to why I wasn’t good enough, and why I was always “wrong”…

BUT. I had to be strong, for my children, and prove to them that even in situations where you feel all alone, you need to push forward and keep positive. That you need to surround yourself with people who love and care about YOU. For me, I was one of the lucky ones to have that kind of love and support…from my children, my family, my friends.

It did take me quite some time to realize though, that my situation was because of the toxic relationship I was in. The mind frame that I was put into (the negativity), thinking I could not do better or be better, caused me to lose control over who I was. I thought I was a lioness?!! What happened to the girl who was always happy and smiling, and just living life?!! I needed to find ME again – I needed to overcome my fears!!!

To those people who believe that they have power over someone, believe that they have control, are in control, and are better than you. Sadly, that’s how they like it and want it. For them to use that power to hurt someone mentally, emotionally, psychologically, is WRONG. And it shows that they are, in fact, weak. They are not in control; rather, they are hurting the person so that they feel better about themselves.

However, feeling powerless does not just happen because of a toxic relationship. It can happen to anyone, in any situation – whether it’s a young child, a teenager, an adult or an elderly person. Whether it’s in a school environment, work environment, or even at home.

Today, if you are in a relationship or a situation where the other person is causing you to feel powerless, talk to someone. Share your fears, share your pain. It doesn’t help to keep it all in. And stick up for yourself. If you let those people walk all over you, then you are giving them the satisfaction they want and crave. You are allowing them to hurt you and walk all over you. Don’t give them that power to do whatever they want. You are better than that, and you deserve better than that! Trust me, I learned the hard way …