tmo

On closure v conclusion

I was young. 3 or 3 ½

I was put in a red sandbox, blue lid, lid set aside

In that sandbox, a shovel, lots of sand. Some of it wet.

I was put there by my mother

As I sat, and played with the sand, I became aware that I was alone

My first feeling, my first real sense of “emotion” was that of loneliness. Which gave way to fear. Terror. And helplessness.

As the minutes, hour+ rolled on, I knew I never wanted this again

In time, I was picked back up by my mother

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Didn't expect this

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Is this a possible thing going on? Meaning in life. In/of the world?

I stood on the balcony smoking, snow all over, feeling both IN nature and also out of touch with it. Like a scientist examining an environment – separated and distant from the subject.

I think: maybe we're scared. Of all of it

Climate change, decrease in weather quality, and species count

We all SEE it happening.

Some may not, and for that they are blessed

just an observance

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Amazing, in a sick terrible way

It's like time and events continue through life, and in isolation, one just eventually come privy to them

Like, someone off-handedly mentions an event, and I reply: “wow, I had no idea that was a thing in existence!”

Nothing gets resolved in isolation, either. Mental issues, life issues, etc. – they just become a passing thought of apathetic nature, to be drummed up later demanding a “reply”, a “solution”

It becomes an insular status, too. Circular in nature

to Hell with it

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Sometimes I look online, see a thing, and think I should look it up later

Like, here's such and such, mental note, query later

SO much of that online

Hell, YT alone is like a vision board of interests that I see and want to look into, read about, etc

What a mess!

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The day continues. I went to Walgreens, fetched a WU. Walgreens sells Nexium. I didn't buy any. I went to Schnucks to buy Nexium. The lines wrapped the store. I didn't buy Nexium. I will go later.

I went to BP. Bought cigs.

I still have $$ for Nexium

Yea, nice day. Single digits tomorrow. I will stay inside. And make broth or something.

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Space Oddity, stuck in my head :(

Pulmonary issue bugging me. Will clear up with cardio, I hope

Iced coffee right now

Single digits tomorrow – 1 degree forecast

Missouri

on with the day

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...cool kids that never had the time

“and we, don't know just where our blogs will reeeest to dust I guess”

1979 was a jam in the 90s. I felt “akin” to the folks in the video. TP'ing houses, throwing stuff in pools, et al. No gas station destruction, though.

Nowadays, if anyone did these things – lifetime in Federal Prison with no food or contact

lol

The sun has set. Was a nice day

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Been noticing that I have lower hormone levels, lately. Not low testosterone, or energy, or whatever – just low hormones, I think. 39, so, whatever.

I workout regularly so everything is “normal”, just old(er)

So what other candid crap can I write out here?

IDK, a lot seems mentioned. Not to make a post that is arcane junk, but I just have to say random things, sometimes.

ok, later

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never know. Don't know what to write or say when I start doing it

I saw Neighbor S. He smoked and coughed, bummed me smokes. Now I will smoke and cough

Drank cheap coffee, delish

His Xmas is plan-less, as is mine

The sun beams around, nice

Been feeling Heavy Metal-y lately

Listened to Darkthrone the other day. And Mayhem. Ministry a bit.

The news, as usual, is Musk-oriented. And Twitter oriented. And why people stay/go. I decided “go”, am happy about it

Not everyone comes to that same conclusion (or yet), but, as it is. Everyone decides their own ways in life.

The news sure likes to write about it. That's the eggs in one basket approach to...social media dependency, I guess.

A lot of people USE Twitter, less places depend on it as much as publications

Again, it's life for the past 10 years, so no “news” there

Ok, enough writing for now

later

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