tmo

So, some stuff for the evening:

• as I mentioned earlier, I got the Amtrak refund for the failed trip out west (a day stranded in North Dakota, and then another (would be) detour in White Fish, Montana where I left the trip and then made my way (eventually) back to St Louis justified the $266 refund, I think)

• so I paid a couple late bills (small bills)

• then I went ahead and ordered very affordable, very nice estate pipe from Etsy, as I am without a tobacco pipe at the moment

• and then I ordered some tobacco from TobaccoPipes(.com) (+ pipe cleaners + a pipe tamper). Excited to try this blend, as it is a Virginia/Perique blend (which is what I usually order), but it has cigar leaf in it, so that will be interesting

• I also went ahead and ordered a thin crust 'za from Dominoes, because I didn't feel like cooking, and it was too late in the evening to do a(nother) jaunt to Schnucks. I never go after the sun has set.

Things that didn't happen:

• I didn't get an e-mail response to the inquiry I had regarding the writing training (which is status quo for me – anything I've ever attempted to do in regards to “professional” or even formal writing has always backfired in my face. A thing never meant to be). But, I will follow up with them, and see what they say.

• I didn't get any e-mails in regards to the CL posting for the speakers I am selling. Renewed the post, but people are still not interested. I am assuming because it is not listed on Facebook Marketplace – jerks.

...but, tomorrow I will go to Schnucks and get some mandatory “life things”. And in the meantime I can look forward to the estate pipe and tobacco arriving in the mail. I picked up a carton of cigs earlier to hold me over in the meantime.

I still have MANY things to buy, too. Not as in “luxury items”, but as in day-to-day necessities. All is good there :)

back soon

... Discuss...

I went ahead and checked my banking app just now on my phone, not expecting (at all) to see the $250+ refund from the Amtrak trip on there, but it was! Awesome! The refund comes at a time when I certainly NEED the money, as there are numerous “house things”, “life things”, and other various objects of interest which I require to keep the boat afloat, so to speak.

Just a nice surprise, is all :)

back soon

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I had to get cigs. I was completely out, but as mentioned in my last blog post, I had to run to Schnucks, as well. But I had to be at the apartment at “sometime” today to receive my delivery for prescription strength Nexium (a medication for severe heartburn – I don't know if everyone knows this), and I couldn't miss that delivery drop off. Because they would try to call me from outside my apartment, and if no one answered, or if I wasn't home, they would go back to the pharmacy and I would have to wait to have the meds delivered the next day.

I gave the delivery until 1:00 PM, then said “fxxx it” and went to Schnucks, got a few items, and then came back to my apartment to drop off those items, then went straight to BP and bought a carton of Edgefield non-filters (nonny's), decided to roll the dice and see if my neighbor “S” was home, so I could give him three of the packs from the carton (because he was a long-suffering saint by letting me bum a pack here and there in the past couple weeks). Dog Bless neighbor “S”! Then I walked to my apartment, walked in the door, checked my phone to see if I missed any calls (from the pharmacy), and no missed calls, and then a knock at my door with the delivery drop-off!

Timing, man. Wow!

I took one of the pills and staved off bad heartburn for yet another day, and then fired up a cig and started this blog post.

So, an active little afternoon :)

I am cooling off in the AC, and about to venture out onto the balcony.

Hope all are well

... Discuss...

It's 10:30 AM. No clouds in the sky. Not even a “poof” of them, lol! No gradients of white amongst blue. Not even an isolated “chem trail” (not the real term) can be found in the air above. Just blue, blue, blue!

Oddly, the temps in STL have remained unchanged all morning – upper-50's. I suppose it is the last hurrah of Spring before the warm temps settle in? But it is all the same to me, meaning it is quite pleasant.

I called to have my stomach meds delivered today. They will be delivered “sometime today” (heaven forbid they paint themselves into a corner and say “in the afternoon” or “in the morning” – just, SOMEtime today). So I will try to be available at sometime today – I have to go to Schnucks, and will visit with the neighbor “S” in a bit, and I have to see what this placement-type place says about a possible writing job or/and training (which I inquired about (through E-mail) on Saturday). But, I should have a clear schedule around “SOMEtime”. LOL!

Hope everyone is well. Just wanted to write some stuff real fast.

Back later

... Discuss...

I went ahead and put up a “final” blog post on tmo.name here, and I wrote a tad about blogging, blogging experiences, and this and that. Mostly about how I Like W.a a lot, and will stick around here, as it is “home” :)

Ghost is definitely the second best blog service I have used, though. I self-host it, which makes it good (in some ways, in my mind), but W.a just makes more sense, for me.

I won't go into all this stuff, because it is written in the post linked above, but...yea. I like to “blog”.

Anyway, I will stop writing about the “meta” elements of blogging for a while (I guess), as the last few posts have centered around “consolidating” all the little blogs I had here and there. That's done. That's written. No need to beat a dead horse.

So other things will come across my mind in time (likely in a few hours, haha). So I will write about those things then.

back later

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Got an E-mail from ProtonMail, and they wanted me to verify my recovery e-mail (why I didn't do that before, I do not know). So, I did that. Which required going ALLLL the way across the room and fetching my Yubikey 2FA hardware key, and then using it with my Google account (recovery e-mail is a Gmail address – it's whatever), because I was logged out of my Google account on my phone some time back, and hadn't logged in again. So, I signed in, verified the E-mail. Then, went back to the PM site, and decided to add my phone number as an additional recovery method. And the passphrase option was already enabled, and that is written down...somewhere.

As secure as I can get (I guess). Good!

Also, texting back and forth with a childhood friend. We hadn't chatted (texted) since July of 2021. Or, I should say when he texted me three days ago, the last text from him to me was “hey man, what's up?” and that was dated July 27, 2021, and I didn't reply (SMS notifications were turned off at that time, due to text spam, so I never saw the text). So really, I don't know when the last time I talked to him was. We've been BS'ing back and forth for a couple days now, but the time before that? I have no clue.

Good dude.

Nothing else pertinent occurring in my neck of the woods. I found a new blog that I considered RSS'ing to, but then read through the archives and saw that there was a lot of dev/code stuff that was WAY above my pay grade. I tried reading/understanding some of it, but it is just stuff that I am simply not familiar with :/ Someday. Maybe.

Back soon

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FFS that reads like a Shay Carl vlog title from 2010. I did buy some football-sized mangoes just now, though. Usually they are half the size of a football (in Summer – Winter mangoes are avocado-sized ovals of fruit rot). I have never seen them this large before, either. I bought three – yellow/orange in color, and juuust soft enough to be eaten :)

I also bought a Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink, because I was so bummed and indifferent about what to get from Schnucks (bummed because nothing is selling on CL, and money is drying up quick, but indifferent about what to buy from Schnucks, because I didn't “need” anything). As I was walking in the store, I thought “mangoes! That'll cheer me up!”, and then as I was going towards the registers I saw the Monster on the soda rack and decided to throw caution (and health) into the wind and buy one, because the flavors are amazing, even though they make me feel jittery as fxxx and just “not good” in general.

I also e-mailed a place yesterday about seeing what I can do about getting a proper/legit writing job. I need to either DO something with all this text hammering, and just...do that, and not just journal my life away on the Internet forever.

I mean, the journaling will never stop, regardless – but, I would like to have a profession with this activity, and make money from it, and not be a deadbeat all the time.

Not that I am a “deadbeat” in a definitive sense (from what I understand, it means someone (a guy) who abandons their kid(s) or whatnot). I never had kids, and I also never will. The stress and anxiety would kill me. I have always known that about myself – un-needed responsibility always rips my soul apart. So, I will never have a kid or kids. A foolish thing to do, for me.

So I will do whatever, instead. Writing, hopefully. Ideally with a paycheck attached to it ;)

back soon

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I've noticed that around 10 or 11 PM, I go to sleep. Like the second I start to feel tired, I'm just like “screw this” and off to bed I go. And then I wake up at 4:00 AM or so. Been like this since the return from The Montana Excursion. Definitely works for me. Upon waking, coffee. And with coffee, writing. And that is how it usually goes, too.

But, what I've been doing for the past 20 mins or so, and most of last night, was photo/file organization. I went ahead and went through the HUGE album on Snap.as that is just labeled “photos”, which is just where everything goes regardless of whether or not a photo or photos are assigned to a specific gallery or not, and I Right Clicked > Saved each photo I wanted, named it accordingly (according to the Gallery it was going into – so, “random-1”, “nature-1”, “techie-1”, etc.), and when I was done with that, I mass-imported the photos from a particular category into their respective Gallery. Simple. Could be simpler. I could have a drop-down menu within the “Photos” section for each photo, and just “Move to X Gallery” option, and that would save me from having to manually go through each one and Right Click > Save it, but, it is what it is, for now. Overall, Snap.as is very good/useful.

And last night, I backed up and organized all the photos I had from Snap.as (well, the “better” photos) onto the external SSD. I went ahead and downloaded the PDF versions of the writing I had from tmo.name (which I had already uploaded to Notion.so earlier), and put those PDF docs onto the SSD, as well. So, everything that NEEDS to be backed up IS backed up. I also downloaded the entirety of the tmo.name blog as one, big JSON file.

So that does it for that :)

Soon breakfast. I already had some iced coffee, so I am plenty awake as of now.

back soon

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So, I had a bunch of stuff spread out all over the WWW. I have this blog, and a small (Private/Unlisted) blog on W.a called Currently, and another part-time photography blog called tmo snapping, and another (regularly updated) blog away from this blog called (sub)TMO, and I have a self-hosted blog on my VPS with Ghost software called tmo.name.

I had to do something about all this being spread out everywhere. So I...

• downloaded all photos from tmo snapping, and put them into their own gallery on my Snap.as
• I then deleted the tmo snapping blog (RIP)
• In this process I also uploaded all the photos from The Montana Excursion into the “Nature Shit” gallery on Snap.as, as well
• went ahead and deleted Currently (a lot of old blog posts that were fairly negative in nature – no need)
• I also went over to my Ghost blog, tmo.name, and all of the “good”/“keeper” drafts I had on there I uploaded to Notion.so, and added a little icon (because that is The Notion Way), and I will soon download from Notion each of those posts as a PDF, and put them in their proper folder here on the MacBook, as well as back them up on the external SSD
• the only other post that I saved from tmo.name besides the Drafts (six drafts, by the way) was the “Writing And A (hypothetical) Writing Setup” post that I published the other night, which is a 1,200 word monster, and it has a bunch of useful information in it (for me). It also was where I decided to name the hardware project I am taking on as init commit because I am a laughable nerd, so feel free to throw random objects at me ;)

Soon, I will delete the tmo.name VPS, but before I do that, I want to check/double-check that there isn't anything else I have to save off of there. And also want to find a cool piece of software that I can self-host in replacement of the Ghost software, because I want to self-host SOMETHING (for fun) and it will likely be some sort of notes app, or something. No word on what software it will be, but tmo.name will remain on the VPS until I find something.

All in all, I am keeping this blog, TMO (of course), as well as (sub)TMO, because it is a blog-away-from-blog and I can update it all the time and not worry about flooding the R.w.a feed (because I sometimes feel like writing a lot). And that's about it.

back later

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Hard to title this blog post, because I am not sure where it will go. I have a general idea of what I want to say, but the idea/concept, or whatever, is not fully realized in my head. Sorta.

I was sitting in my easy chair, and decided to make a fourth cup of coffee for the day. And just before that, I thought of social media, my use of it, and eventually quitting the last two services I used (Instagram and Twitter) in late-2019. Sort of how on August 30 (31?) 2019, I knew, absolutely, wholesale, without a doubt, that no matter what I did from that point forward, that I would NOT like, have fun with, take joy in, find amusement from, or have any moment of happiness if I used either Instagram or Twitter ever again. The services had drained their value from my life.

So, I went ahead and deleted my Instagram account, and the app. Even launching the service to do THAT was an exhaustive thing, because I had been trying to NOT feel that level of mental extension (the mental extension of having to even see the app/website, itself) for some time. And I intended to delete my Twitter account + app that night, too – but I was simply too tired. So I went to bed and deleted it the first thing in the morning the next day (September 1, 2019).

That morning, I wasn't sure what the fxxx. I knew things could/would change, but I had absolutely no idea how (and didn't anticipate how much) things would change. Sort of like looking towards a looong bridge, and having nowhere to go either to the left of me, or the right of me, and having a dead end behind me. Yet, the bridge was ahead of me, so I went. But, the bridge (again) was very long – so it was sort of a “time heals all wounds” type of scenario, but rarely do I get to a position of both being IN the moment where I can “see” the length of time in front of me, and yet have to experience every moment OF that time going forward. Bizarre.

So, things changed. That afternoon alone, boredom struck so hard that I went to Cliff Cave Park and hiked one of their primitive trails. And that helped clear my head. And then for 3-6 weeks, time dragged onnnn. I wasn't sure exactly how to conduct myself, or “how to be” without some short-sighted “cure” to momentary boredom.

I had no interests left. No hobbies. No personal projects. No authentic developed skillset. Just me and my time to figure out what to do WITH the time I had. And ultimately, the core “mindset”, or “state of mind” of this prolonged boredom didn't really change – I just sort of figured out ways (many ways) of sort of “living with it”. Like the idea/act of “having a solution” to any/all boredom was never meant to be. A beast (boredom) that was meant to be tamed. Not proactively fought against.

After a few months, things came along. I said “fxxx it” and compiled a bunch of blog posts and started a zine. Just to pass time, to have something to be proud of. I also started blogging more. A LOT more (which was already quite frequently). The hikes also continued. My highest weight (ever) was in late-2019 at 244 pounds – now (with continued hikes/walks, and better diet) I am at 199 pounds. Not bad! :)

In March or April of 2020, I decided I would finally pick up web development. Not like passive “web design” (though I am certainly not belittling that profession), but actually figuring out the in's/out's of managing my own VPS, picking up a bit of PHP and MySQL, and starting my own web application (which was called Thanx.cc, which is now gone, but it was a terrific starter project, and I learned a lot).

Things progressed from there, mentally. I realized that the “re-routing” of my habits, the shift in life's activities, and the alteration of my perception of the world (and myself), was LESS about “having new software” for my brain (to put it in a very nerdy way), but MORE about “having an entirely new OS, altogether”. My mind didn't just change about the world, about the Internet, and the people in the world, and the people on the Internet, but my mind changed to the point where my way of thinking about HOW I was thinking changed, completely.

So, the long and short of it, I am damn glad I put socials behind me. As time continues to go forward, I realize (sometimes more and more) just how toxic and ugly they were. And perhaps that part of my life will one day be lost to memory, as well. I hope.

... Discuss...