10 PM. Coffee. Hoorah!

Thinking about life tonight. How my life has been a shortcoming, continues to be a shortcoming. For myself. I lack in many ways, and the most painstaking part of it is; it is a “reap what you sew” type of scenario. I chose this path over a decade and a half ago, in my early-twenties. I was lost, confused, panicked, and weak – I was in no position to make large life choices for myself. Yet, I more or less took the path of least resistance in terms of what I would be(come), what I would do with myself, my time, how this finite amount of time on this Earth would be spent. Some people say we have “free will”, and to an extent we do – I believe we have the freedom to sort of “pre-program” ourselves into who or what we will become. But by the time we realize this process has taken place, it is too late. Like the line from Lions For Lambs where Robert Redford says to Andrew Garfield: “you know the funny thing about adulthood? It happens, before you even know it happens. When you're already a thousand decisions into it. And promise, and hope, they are very fickle – and they may not be there anymore”.

I am now 36, 15+ years into my “sewn” life, and the decisions I made in my “pseudo youth” have done nothing but relentlessly haunt me. So maybe, when my forties hit, I can do something else. Make different decisions. Sew other life choices into the fold.

Or I hope so

... now I'm at >>> olry.co 👋