cleaning up, again

Started dishes, tossed some extraneous paperwork in the trash, tidied up. Also, coffee has been started (I sometimes get sick of coffee).

Also, chomping on some nicotine gum, just because I like the flavor more than anything else. And also, I retrieved my mask from the clean laundry bag, because apparently COVID cases are on the rise (again) amongst the non-vaccinated, and also folks who cannot get vaccinated. Soon stores will require a mask again. And possibly lockdowns 2020-style if we don't get our shit together. I'm fine, though. I got the double of Moderna and if we have to stay at home from now on (for however long), I am OK with that. I don't care at all at this point.

1.5 years into a pandemic and we're still seeing upticks in cases (in America), and ironically, We have the majority of the vaccine! Goes to show just how foolish vast amounts of the population are. Am I surprised though? No. Not at all. I've always known the stubbornness of American citizens and their strong will, and I've met folks who wouldn't listen to a solitary soul outside of their own reflection in the mirror, let alone some distant body of government. It was an annoying/obnoxious thing to hear of people being “anti-vax” or “pandemic deniers” back when the outbreak was new (early-2020), but now I don't even bat an eyelash. And I am 1000% positive there is nothing I can say to make anyone change their mind. So I just continue on.

Anyway, the apartment is looking good, clean. The coffee is hot, bold, etc. Boring tasting, really. Had about six cups in total today.


Carving out a spot in the world (whatever that does/means) is fine insofar as I do not become aware of my position (or disposition) in the world. Am I rich? Poor? Fun? Boring? Talented? Talentless? Pleasant to talk to? Do people want to run away? I have no clue. I can just be. But, I've felt more and more aware of my life recently (not in a mortality sort of way, just self-reflection, I suppose), and I am grossed out by it. I feel...distraught about the whole thing.