I will mention this, in regards to toxic relationships and sobriety – for me, they are in immediate and direct conflict. And what I mean is, I cannot stay sober when I have toxic people in my life. I mentioned on this blog quite some time back (I forget when – a year ago?) that there had been some drinking/relapses in my life. So, some more on this...
I quit drinking in 2005, at the age of 20 years old. I had overdone it, was a terrible alcoholic throughout the age of 19-20. It was the worst time of my life. And starting in late-2005, I was finished with alcohol. Of course with my debilitating psychological disposition (in life) at that time, it was until I was 23 years old (late-2006) that I even started to see genuine (hopeful) light at the end of the tunnel in regards to any type of a future (I was nearly an invalid, and a mental trainwreck for some years prior to that).
Thing is; I moved from my parent's house when I was 22 (less than a full year sober – but still with a declining mental state) and upon moving in with my sister at 22 (just before turning 23 – again, late-2006) and then, THEN I was able to commit to, and recognize the significance of sobriety.
So, I stayed away from drink until 2011, when (you guessed it) my parents came back into my life. From 2011 until late-2013, there were nine(9) incidents where I drank. And these were MY mistakes, my slip up – I take 100% responsibility. But I cannot have negative/toxic people in my life and stay sober.
And (more recently) I had some slip ups in 2021, as well. In fact, I texted my sister “C” to let her know that I needed “space” from my mom (which she then let her know – and I have not spoken with her since – my mother, that is. My sister I still talk to.), and before sending that text, I was counting the change on my desk to see if I could buy a beer – it was either go get a beer, or send the text and actually make a POSITIVE change in my life.
I am glad I made the right choice.
I've been off alcohol ever since.
So, I will stay away from toxicity in relationships. And not drink AT ALL. And the ability to do so – my self confidence, my self worth, my positive mental outlook – they have ALL improved dramatically since I made this decision.
So that is where I am at with that. Just wanted to write a few words about it.